This link includes an accumulation of the published news stories of each event. For those seeking updated team standings, event box scores, and individual statistics please press the “STATS & STD.” button.

 

Saturday, June 13, 2009: 7th Annual Hawaiian Open @ Architects Golf Club

 

Doc Eynott Takes Hawaiian on 14-Hole Roll Back…

GM Grabs No. 45…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(Phillipsburg, NJ) – I just got off the phone with Lou Gerogiannis today, and according to news reports he had heard, it has rained 13 of the first 18 days of June with an accumulation of 7 inches of rain, and ranked as the 8th most rainy June since they have been keeping records, and we have 12 days to boot.  I’m not quite sure how accurate those records are but, it certainly feels that way. Now I know how it feels to live in Seattle, or how it would feel to be a urinal. Yesterday I was eating lunch at Atlanta Bread, and I over heard some women saying that it was going to start raining on Saturday, and rain into the middle of next week giving us the screws at the upcoming Mission U.S. Open at Grossinger to be held on June 20.

 

The Hawaiian Open at Architects Golf Club on June 13th, marked our 12th scheduled Tour of the year. At seven of these venues it has rained. Two of that seven had to be rescheduled. At one of the remaining “dry five”, it was so damn windy, that for the first time in the league’s 24 year history, one fair weathered golfer and club maker, Joseph “The Penguin” Postorino, drove all the way from Staten Island to Phillipsburg, and decided it was just too damn windy to play golf. By the days end, many who played would have agreed with the fair weathered Penguin.  

 

The forecast for June 13 was superb; 70 to 80 degrees and fair, but on my way out there on Route 78 West in the early morning, I could see those ominous dark blue clouds accumulating. The black clouds of doom were on our tails again. Late in the afternoon the skies would rumble and soon enough all hell would bust loose. With players sporting Hawaiian palm tree shirts, the torrential rain at 3 pm proved to be in true Hawaiian spirit. A fast and hard rainfall flooded the greens, and the contest had to be shortened. All of the field’s stroke play was rolled back to the first 14 holes, and according to existing match play guidelines matches were decided by the last hole that opponents had completed before the event was called. 

 

The Architects Golf Course plays to 6,532 yards from the Gold Tees, with bent grass from tee to green, and fescue lining many fairways, which together with the progressively windy and wet conditions meant the course was playing more difficult later in the day. Dr. Paul Eynott, a 14 cap, of “Whack This”, won his first hardware in the Golf Mission, in his second year on the GMA Tour. He captured the Hawaiian Open Net Crown with a tie breaker victory at net 34-19-53 (-3) to edge out the Golf Mission’s Premier Scotsman Edward Alexander who, also, posted a net 53 (-3). Doc Eynott won the initial tiebreaker recording a net 30 on the last 9 holes, holes 6 to 14, to the Mr. Alexander’s net 31.   

 

Mr. Eynott, also, won his match versus the undefeated Sgt. Major Ed Neas, who was 7-0. The following is Mr. Eynott’s recollection of the match, “I was two up after 9 holes, taking note of an excellent birdie by the “Sgt. Major” on the 9th hole, the number one handicapped hole. I was four up after 11 holes and beginning to think of a "rare" victory.  Then, the “Sgt. Major” birdied 12 and 13 followed by a fantastic par save on 14 (up and down in true Phil Mickleson style) to bring the match to just 1 down with 4 holes to play!  The “Sgt. Major” won hole 17 bringing the match to “all square” with only the 18th hole remaining.  The time now was around 3 pm, and yes, that is when then the rain hit!  A par on 18 by holing a 20-foot putt was enough for me to win the match against a good solid golfer.  Following the Sgt. Major’s domination at Blue Herron Pines, this was truly a great match thoroughly enjoyed by both, win or lose (golf can be fun!). My first win was a lot of fun.  I had a great match against a great guy! Ed is a true gentleman and it was a pleasure playing golf with him.”

 

Craig “The Hammer” Skawinski, of the Rat Pack, and the owner of a car wash in Northern, New Jersey was telling me at the first tee of the Hawaiian Open how the rain has adversely affected his business. When it rains on the weekend people don’t bother washing their cars. The only player I recall who benefits from the rain is Glenn Morello, the owner of Bridgewater Auto Body. The more it rains, the more accidents, and the more repairs. I gather one man’s hell, is another man’s heaven. Architects Golf Club is becoming GM’s heaven, and for the second time this year, he has won both Low Gross Titles at this venue. Back on April 4th, in Week No. 2 at Architects Club GM, captured number 44, and this week at Architects he captured Low Gross Title number 45 for his storied career. He completed 18 holes posting a 35-37-72, which was rolled back, due to the rain shortening to a 14-hole score of 35-22-57 (+1). Finishing in second and third place were NUNI teammates Judge Kennedy and Batman who respectively posted rolled back 60’s (+3). The following is GM’s version of the day, “Course was in great shape.  Keeping the ball in the fairway was the key as the rough was deep and tough to play out of.  A par on No. 9 was important to the round as I needed to fix the emotional scar I received from playing there earlier in the year and making an eight on that hole. Turned in even at par. I drove the ball great on the back nine.  I have always been very comfortable on the back nine at architects. That's about it, kind of a boring round really.” 

 

 

Friday, May 22, 2009: 14th Annual Nyack Tobacco Crazy Horse Memorial Member Guest

@ Wallkill Golf Club

 

AGB’s Caveman burns up Wallkill for 5th Career Gross Title…

BP’s Pac Man gobbles up Low Net Honors…

 

Staff Writer: Shelby Smith

 

(Middletown, NY)

 

On this 9th scheduled event of this 24th GMA season and the first weekday played this season, four score missioners ditched work for a long commute to an alternative universe in order to further their romantic quest for the perfect game of golf.  These souls enjoyed great weather, excellent course conditions, free beer and “Hope”.  This was more than enough to offset the packed driving range, thick rough, the always-amusing Keystone Kops Shotgun Start and of course the threat of excommunication for slow play.

 

Wallkill is a nice public course, which seemed to play tougher than its numbers would indicate (6437 yards, rating 71.2, slope 122).  Despite its high volume of municipal usage, the course was in excellent condition - as if nobody had played on it this year.  Wallkill’s layout was welcomed with reasonable length and minimal forced carries.  Apparently, the wet and cool early spring was excellent for grass even if it’s a pain (the weather and the thick rough) for us golfers.  I think we can expect very thick rough at most courses for the rest of this year.

 

Johnny “Caveman” Garland, a 3-capper, of the AGB’s won the Low Gross Title with an excellent and consistent gross round of 38-38-76, resulting in a net 73, which tied him for 4th place in the net standings.  John successfully challenged the Golf Mission’s Premier Scotsman - Gentleman Eddie Alexander (13) who countered with net 36-39-75 and a top 14 finish.  Eddie couldn’t beat John but delayed the decision until the match saw the last putt on the last hole.  John is an extraordinary and serious golfer and a great guy.  He is rarely seen on the course without his cigar, which apparently assists him in his careful contemplation of the issues involved in each and every shot.  John was The 2007 Rookie of the Year.  In 2008 John was Player of the Year, made the Gorilla Club, the Ryder Cup Team, the All Star Team and the Pro Bowl Team.  John has 4 previous Low Gross Titles and won more than 40 GMA points in 2008 - an extraordinary accomplishment - and he’s only in his third year on the GMA Tour.

 

Joe “Pac Man” Pacelli (20) of Beer Pressure won the Low Net Title (net 35-32-67) and his match with a steady and strong game, which included 7 pars.  Joe won 44% of the week’s par pool by virtue of his pars on holes 3, 5, 7 and 14.  Joe is a pleasure to have in a round, taking a low key and friendly approach to the game.  This will be his 5th trophy in the 12 years or so that he’s been in the Mission.  His whole career has been with Beer Pressure.  

 

Rich Hebb (17) of the AGB’s won 2nd place low net and his match with (net 36-35-71). Rich Cupparo (7) of The Rat Pack won 3rd place low net and his match with (net 37-35-72).

Glenn Morello (1) of Nuni won 2nd place low gross (gross 40-37-77). Anthony Kaufmann (2) of The Money Shot won 3rd place low gross (gross 37-40-77). Congratulations to all of the winners.

 

Saturday May 16, 2009: 15th Annual Quaker Open @ Center Valley Club

 

The Rough Was Rough but Two First Timers Prevail…

Rookie Scott Guida Takes 1st Low Gross Title with Steady 77… 

9th Year is the Charm for Johnny Heart Attack…

 

GUEST WRITER:  Colorful Joe Postorino

 

(Center Valley, PA) - I will start this off by reminding those who need the reminder and informing those who don’t know that this course used to be in the Nationwide Tour rotation some years ago.  The reason why it left the rotation is no concern of mine. But I think most of you would agree that this is the most severe rough that we play in the entire year, keeping in mind that there are new courses on the menu this year yet to be sampled.  This brings me to the possible reason that this course left the Nationwide rotation. The ROUGH!

 

I suck at golf. I admit it. And with that said, I admit to being a fool and shelling out some hard earned green backs to spend five hours in this hell.  I have no idea what kind of grass is used in the rough.  But everyone’s complaint was that if you hit the ball in the rough, you could not find it unless you were directly over it. Simply amazing how the ball sat down in it! Another amazing fact is that the new pace of play program seems to be working better than ever as this field consisted of 103 players and deep rough and the last group finished in 4 hours and 51 minutes.

 

My recollection of past events with the stats from this event prove time and time again that the scores at this course are usually high and the case in point here is that the winning net score was 68 and there were only 3 other net scores which cracked par, and just barely at that! Compare this with a gross 77 winning score. And I think it safe to say that the 77 turned in by rookie Scott Guida was probably more like a 67 at an easier course.

 

I can’t think of anyone more deserving of GMA hardware than the laid back, unassuming International known as John “Heart Attack” Ruvolo.  Naturally, I had to inquire as to the source of the nickname and John told me that it developed from having a history of either loosing or winning matches on the 18th green, and having a “heart attack” in the process and constantly complaining that his GMA handicap was just ONE stroke off of where it should be. Imagine his complaints now when is GMA Handicap of 13 gets whacked at the GMA barbershop, the pain one usually endures after winning an event! John pulled off a double victory of sorts with this steady round.  In addition to winning his first net event, John posted his career best GMA gross round of 81. Where most of us would have lost our wheels early on, John steadied the ship after opening with doubles on 1 and 3, recovering with a birdie immediately following on the fourth hole and finishing the front with a respectable 41.John realized that the key to a good round on this course was course management and he put this into play for sure on number 11, hitting a utility off the tee, followed by a 7 iron and a 6 iron to ONE INCH from the cup, just shy of a hole out eagle and resulting in a nifty 40 on the back…gross 81.

 

The icing on the cake was closing out the always difficult match against Bobby “The Crocodile” Martino who did not miss a fairway and who gets more distance out of drive with his famous 50 yards of tops spin than most people do hitting a drive in the air!  The Croc was closed out on the 14th hole, a rare early ending! Congrats again to 2007 MVP World Series winner John Ruvolo!

 

The GMA rookie Scott Guida won the gross competition.  Cousin and fellow GMA member Ryan Melone of El Grand Cohenes recruited Mr. Guida.  Scott recruited some fellow buds looking for competition and formed up Putt From the Rough, a new team on the GMA rooster. Scott is starting off as a 7 handicap with the league and his card reflected nothing but steady play.  After a solid front of 38 with only two bogeys, Scott throttled back on the driver and used his two-iron on several occasions to keep the ball in play. He alleges that he gets 240 out of his 2-iron and that was all he needed to have short irons into most greens. Scott thinks that his round could have been even lower, as could we all, if some of the shorter putts had dropped during the round.

 

On the match side of the equation, the dearly beloved Captain of Hogan’s Hero’s, the always affable Chris “Leon” Garbian, managed to stretch out this match to the 15th hole, going down in defeat graciously after being 3 down at the turn. It’s nice to see some new low gross blood coming into the league and I suspect that the Bermuda Triangle, Morello, Kennedy and Garland will be looking at some additional strong competition as the GMA season proceeds!

 

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Saturday May 9, 2009: 16th Annual Jackhammer @ Casperkill Golf Club

 

Simonized at Casperkill…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(Poughkeepsie, NY) – First and foremost, I would like to thank Rich Siedel, and Steve Thompson, of Mission Impossible, who referred us to playing Casperkill, in the off-season. Wow, that was a very pleasant surprise. We had a small scouting foursome, who played Casperkill two weeks before the event, and their reports were a little disappointing. However, when we rolled in on May 16, the course was in very good shape. This Trent Jones design, which was formerly owned by IBM, is a very pretty layout, and seems to be very well managed. When I first got there my first impressions were very solid. It had the look of being well organized, the staff was very professional, friendly, and it seemed obvious that management pays attention to small detail. As I drove around the course, seeing each hole for the first time, I was thinking this course is “hot” and would make an excellent venue for a future major, or a multi-day event. The Golf Mission feedback was, also, very strong. We even received a complimentary e-mail from a member Dave McIntosh expressing his satisfaction with the track, and that doesn’t happen that often. My final assessment is that Casperkill is a keeper.

 

Steve Simon a.k.a. “The Congressman” would be the dominant factor at the Golf Mission’s 16th Annual Jackhammer Classic contested at Casperkill Golf Club in Poughkeepsie, New York. Mr. Simon would be driving home with a box victory. In the GMA Tour’s 540th event, he would be only the eighth player to secure the prestigious “Trifecta” winning the Team Championship, the Low Gross and Low Net Titles. In the last ten years, he would be only the third player to win the Trifecta. A list of the previous Trifecta Champions is as follows:

 

1995:  Joe Signa

1997: Anna Garelick

1997: Michael Koskulics

1998: Lon Parella

1998: Sukhi Manhas

2001: Country Bob Kruse

2004: Ben Ohtsu

 

Steve Simon, a 13-year veteran, captured his third Career Low Gross Championship, and his first Low Gross Title in almost 6 years. His last Low Gross Title came on August 28, 2003, in the 6th Annual Grateful Dead Open at Mansion Ridge. He posted a 36-38-74 to defeat Runner Up, Glenn Morello by four blows at 77. Christopher Leon Garibian finished 3rd, at 77, also, edged by GM on a tiebreaker. Mr. Simon took the Net Crown at 32-35-67. Douglass “Moonshine” Mooney finished show at 32-36-68, and Thomas “Jumpsuits” Acton finished third at 32-37-69.

 

Congressman Simon, of the Iron Workers, was paired up as a split team, with Captain Ben Ohtsu, of the Internationals, the last player to win the Trifecta, back in 2004. They captured the Team Championship at 29-34-63 (-9). Playing in match play against Mission Impossible’s Sant Anna and Seidel, The Congressman and Benny O. would close the match 3 & 2, on the 16th hole. Ben Ohtsu said, “Rich Siedel and I were saying that Steve should get a new nickname…The Wizard.  His putting and short game, were insane on Saturday.  I think he had 25 putts and that includes a 3-putt from maybe 10-feet on the 9th hole. He really didn’t have a bad hole all day.  Even on No. 9 he hit a great drive and nice approach shot into the green. It just didn’t hold up on the green and he got a bad lie right off the green. I played okay; nothing great…had some nice holes to contribute to the team, but pretty much relied on Steve’s hot putter.  My best shot was my tee shot on No. 8, a 159-yard, par 3, which I hit to about 1 foot from the pin for a birdie, net eagle. Thanks for the great pairing!”

 

The Congressman version of events, “It was pretty simple, the putter was hot!!! I one putted the 1st seven holes and had 2 birdies.  The only blemish on the front nine was the ninth hole, which I three putted and had a double bogey to shoot even par 36 on the front. On the back the putter was still hot as I had 5 more 1-putt holes.  I had 3 bogeys and one birdie on the back to shoot 38. While I carried the first seven holes being 2 under par gross, Ben was just warming up.  On 8 he had a birdie with a stroke for a net 1.  On 9 where I screwed up, Ben made a par with a stroke, for net birdie to give us a team 29 on the front. The back played a little harder for us but again when I had bogey Ben was there with a par.  We ended up with a 34 on the back for a team 63.”

 

Saturday May 2, 2009: 9th Annual Nina Marie @ Mattawang Golf Club

 

Kennedy Bags Match Win and Dual Gross and Net Titles

Morello and Moore Place 2nd in Low Gross and Low Net

Acton Battles Kennedy and Shows 3rd in Low Gross and Low Net

 

Staff Writer: Shelby Smith

 

(Belle Mead, NJ) - On this 6th scheduled Mission of this 24th season, 87 intrepid missioners successfully weathered the storm forecast and played Mattawang Golf Course on a cool day of golf which witnessed an outstanding match which garnered 4 of the top 6 positions. The Golf Mission last played at Mattawang in 2005.  A nice enough, family oriented course with a straight forward American park land style, its trees somewhat narrow the fairways, streams and drainage ditches cross a few fairways and many of its greens are relatively small and guarded by bunkers.  More than one person commented on how the course was much improved over the "cow pasture" that they had played in 2005. The golfing hopeful were anointed (slightly) by the golf gods in their arrangement to have the predicted rainstorm behave as many of our golf games behave.  The storm dribbled and failed while only threatening the course for a few holes.  The day unfolded nicely with the most threatening event being the stern warnings at the start with regard to pace of play.

 

The highlight match was in the 10:39 a.m. group of Robert Kennedy vs. Tom Acton and Glenn Morello vs. Cornelius Finn.  Nuni vs. Slicers is always one serious situation.  The competition in this group produced 5 of the 6 Top Low Gross and Net Scores of the day. The Judge, Robert Kennedy (4) of Nuni came in with 1st Place Low Gross (36-34-70) and 1st Place Low Net (34-32-66) and a match win.  This round included birdies on holes 5, 9, 15 and 16. Kennedy's opponent Tom Acton (12) of The Slicers won 3rd Place Low Gross (39-41-80) and 3rd Place Low Net (33-35-68).  They battled all day in one of the best-documented matches of the 2009 season. Glenn Morello (1) of Nuni, in the same group, started out with birdies on the first two holes on his way to his capture of 2nd Place Low Gross (38-37-75) and a match win.  This hot start apparently lit a brush fire behind this foursome driving them to their resultant field-burning scores.

 

Mark Moore (13) of Winning Links persevered to bag 2nd Place Low Net (36-32-68) in a battle against evenly matched Dick Tushingham (13) of Irons & Woods. Tushingham scored in the Top 10 Low Net with (32-40-72). Tushingham's excellent front nine put Moore 4 down with 7 to go, but Moore refused to give up hope.  A dual reversal of fortune on the back nine allowed Moore's persistent hope to lead to his match win.

 

Kennedy vs. Acton

The big documented drama of the day unfolded as not-really-underdog Tom Acton (12) battled at close range with Robert Kennedy (4).  This was a friendly revenge match for Kennedy, who was 0-2 against his Acton. Although no actual skin was lost, Kennedy was dogged all day by the tenacious Acton who had set his teeth into Kennedy early and wouldn't let go.  Kennedy tried to shake him off for the first 14 holes, but Tom would have none of it. 

 

At the start of hole 13, Acton was leading by 1, but a slip by Acton on this par 4-hole brought the match square.  Kennedy had been hitting irons close to the pin all day but hadn't really taken advantage of it having missed legitimate birdie putts on holes 10-13. He was cautious and confident that he had a chance. On Hole 14, Kennedy drained a 20 foot sloped downhill putt with a left to right break for a Net Par. Acton matched him with a Net Par.  All Square after 14.

 

Robert Kennedy sums up the rest of the match: "On the par 5, 486 yard 15th hole, I hit my utility 3 iron twice to get to a green-side bunker. I chipped to 2 feet and made a birdie 4.  Acton made a 15-footer for 5.  I think: "I'm 1 up in this seesaw match, all that work for a tie and him getting strokes on two of the next three holes?." Honestly, I thought that it's over.  "Tom's playing well and I just can't get any momentum."  On Hole 16 I have 148 yards and with Acton hitting it around, this is my chance. I hit an 8 iron to within 10 feet and made the putt for birdie 3. Acton carded a 5 net 4. I'm finally 2 up. Two pars on the short 17th, and the match was over.  Wow, shooting 70 and winning on 17, that's tough. Who knows, maybe that's why I shot 2 under, I needed to bear down on all the shots."

 

Congratulations to both Robert and Tom on their heroic efforts as well as to Glenn Morello, Mark Moore and all the other winners.  This is Mr. Kennedy's 7th Career Low Gross title and his 2nd this year, having won the Low Gross title at the 2009 Bulldog @ Royce Brook, and his 2nd career below par round following up on his 69 at the 2008 Salvaggio & Garibian MGA, major, at Architect's.  Robert Kennedy's Mattawang round of 70 (-2 par) was only the 27th below par round posted ever on the Golf Mission Tour.

 

 

April 26, 2009: 9th Annual HBH Open @ High Bridge Hills

 

Finally! … The Sun Shines, Smith and Meyer, of Whack This, soak it up for the HBH Open Team Title...  Will Greco squeaks out 2nd Career Low Gross Title …

 

GUEST WRITER:  Paul G. Conway

 

(High Bridge, NJ) The traffic was lighter than on a usual GMA event day as this was a Sunday. The only obstacle to getting to the course on time was to attend early morning church services. In fact, as I was hanging around the house on Saturday it crossed my mind that I had actually mistaken the date and was missing the usually scheduled Saturday Mission tee time.

 

As the Missioners cars started rolling into this sleepy town, up the hill, passing the trailer park on the left and into the dusty gravel driveway of High Bridge Hills Golf Club, a strange occurrence was about to unfold. Each player would by habit sheepishly open their door to quickly don their wind shirt, rain gear, hats and gloves before getting too wet and cold.  But this day would be different, very very different. With a quick look to the sky all would see a very unfamiliar sight that legend tells us is called the sun. And this strange thing in the sky would be the cause for radiating the temperature up to the 90’s thus eliminating any excuses for poor play (well except for rock hard sand dressed greens that put Titleist’s new scuff resistant cover to the test. Effective putting proved to be H&H, that is Hit and Hope). Yes, it took 4 events, but the Golf Mission rotten weather luck appears to be over (at least for this week).

 

Shelby Smith and “Oneputt” Rick Meyer turned into the dusty parking lot this day, as usual, in time to take a few practice swings on the range and drop a couple of putts before making their way to the first tee. Expectations for a big day were high but perhaps unrealistic. You see they, along with their team Whack This, had gotten off to a slow start this season with marginal play, picking up only a handful of points and languishing in the standings with the other want-to-be teams. But this is not unusual for Whack This who, as a team, have the reputation for starting slow and then kicking into a playoff position run when the weather is August hot. To add to their potential misery, Smith and Meyer were playing against a solid and proven Internationals team of Oki Hagiwara and Bruce Liebenberg.  Looks like easy pickings for the one year removed World Series Champs. But wait a minute, at 92°, this day was August hot.  Could the WT duo’s high expectations actually be realistic?

 

The 3rd year GMA veterans Rick and Shelby have played together numerous times as a team and have learned how to compliment each others playing style quite nicely.  That is to be consistently inconsistent, a.k.a. stink –up the holes your partner is nailing and vice versa. And that strategy was never more evident than at High Bridge Hills

 

On the front nine Shelby Smith started out like a house on fire, that is burning to the ground.  A very solid triple, triple, bogey, triple double left him 12 over after 5 holes. All tees and other sharp objects had to be taken away because this 14 capper was now officially on a suicide watch. But this being a team event his partner “Oneputt”, playing essentially solo at this point, dropped in a net par, bird par over the first 3 holes. Even with this, it looked like the same old same old early season woes for this Whack This twosome being 5 down after 6 holes.  But then, right then on the 7th tee, Rick and Shelby shook their heads and realized it was August hot and now knew they had Oki and Bruce right where they wanted them. Rick pasted a drive up the left side, dropped a nine iron to within 8 feet for a “Oneputt Rick” special, birdie net eagle. Shelby simply grinned and proceeded to finish the front nine with his own net birdie, birdie display.

 

The August rush was now officially on for at least this WT duo. And even though the wind was picking up to make afternoon play a club selection mystery, they did not notice. This team was now zoned, posting 7 net birds over the first 8 holes of the back nine with Rick finishing this blitz off with a net eagle on the 18th. A very stylish 9 under 26 on the backside proved to be the difference for these first time GMA winners, Shelby Smith and Rick Meyer. 32-26-58, Well Done gentlemen.

 

For the Low Gross competition, Money Shot’s Will Greco posted a very solid and consistent 37-36-73 to take away his second LG title. The modest Mr. Greco actually gives a lot of credit to his playing partner, “The Big D” Mark Donoghue. With Mark also playing well himself, posting a 74, these friendly partners/rivals kept each other focused and loose through out the round. In fact Will believed that “Big D” played a lot better throughout the day, having just two bad rolls on the finely groomed 17th and 18th greens leading to bogies. With a par on 17, Mark would have won the Gross on the rollback and with a par on 18, he would have won it hands down.  But Will had even less blemishes on his card. As Will recalled the round “I had double bogeys on two of the par 3's, #5 (hit into the hazard) and #13 from about 135 yds. I was on the fringe pin high and slapped it around for a 5.  It was hard to get upset over the putting, because it was just ridiculous to get the ball rolling on line.  It was easier hitting a 50 ft putt than a 5 ft putt.  After 13, I put it all behind me and played solid, pars all the way into the clubhouse. 

 

As Will goes on, “The highlight of the day was on #16 (330 yds).  I play a lot of golf with Mark D, most of the GMA events and outside of the league too.  We basically joke all day long and have a good time. We also always have money on the line between the two of us.  Anyway, I have this new driver in the bag and I am still trying to figure out the tee height and I hit a couple of sky balls during the round.  On 16, I popped it up and look over at Mark D and ask him if it made the fairway.  He said "I'm not sure".  I said, at least say it made the fairway to make me feel better.  I get to my ball, which is 208 yds away from the green, which made the drive 120 yds.  I pull a 4 iron out the bag and tell Mark this is going to be a great par, uphill, 208 yds, from the rough, dangerously close to the ladies tees.  Without telling me he writes on the bottom of the scorecard "Short" and circles it.  I hit the ball perfectly onto the green and he shows me what he wrote, hilarious. On a hole that is usually driver, flip wedge, I go Driver, 4 iron.  I made par on the hole and closed the match out.

 

Both Will and Mark thought that they had a better shot at winning team low net.  And at the time when they posted 60, they thought the Team low net hardware was their’s.  Will was hoping for this as he has not yet won a team net title. Will, may I remind you of the little World Series title last fall! How soon the good ones forget.

 

 

April 11, 2009:  22nd Annual Bulldog @ Royce Brook

 

Pops DeFeo & Moonshine Take Team Crown with 67…

Judge Kennedy Captures 6th Career Low Gross Title…

Sgt. Major Neas is Net Boss at 73…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(Hillsborough, NJ) – For the third straight week on the GMA Tour, it seems the weather has become the spot light, and unfortunately it seems to have become progressively worse, each week. Sporadic light rain at Sea Oaks wasn’t good, the harsh windstorm at Architects was bad, and Royce Brook was one of the most trying days on the GMA Tour ever. The nightmare round at Twisted Dune on April 8, 2006, was always categorized as the worst weather conditions ever, but that round was truncated to nine soggy holes. Royce Brook, on the other hand, went the distance.

 

In retrospect, I really think I should have pulled the plug on Royce Brook, and shortened it to a nine-hole roll back. Playing under those conditions, for an entire round, was pushing the envelope. I was at the first tee for about four hours, freezing my ass off, and you get to the point that you are so cold that it is hard to concentrate. At one point after returning to the warm confines of the clubhouse, I came very close to shortening the event, but then there were voices of mutiny in the clubhouse from those who had finished. Their complaint was that since they had an early tee time, and had finished their round under those conditions, the rest of the field must, also, do so. Whenever you call an event you get headaches, and I most confess to have buckled under the pressure from the clubhouse finishers, and do want to thank those who braved it out.

 

On a day where the elements would test the will to win, you would figure seasoned veterans would have the edge. This Year’s 22nd Annual Bulldog Team Championship would go to hard- core vets, Dave “Pops” DeFeo, and Douglas “Moonshine” Mooney of El Grande Cohenes. Both players are members of the league since around 1993, and they had teamed up previously in the 1999 Mission Open at Grossingers for a team victory.

 

This was Dave DeFeo’s view on the day. “It was a top 5 worst weather days I can remember playing on. Mooney and I ham and egged the crap out of it, and not one natural birdie between us. The reason we did as well as we did was Mooney's putter was on fire all day and he made at least eight really clutch putts. I think we only had two holes where we both spit the bit. I played fairly well on the front, while I could still feel my fingers, I think after the turn all I wanted to do was finish, but we both kept plugging away even though the match was over early and all four of us were suffering from chattering teeth. It's been awhile for the Moonshine and me, but to somehow pull out a win on a day like that is a great especially since the ball wasn't traveling worth a crap. I was hitting my long stuff in all day, and still couldn't seem to get a ball on the green in regulation. I thought it was just my game, but when I saw Jim Heyl won the long drive with a whopping 232-yards it made me feel a little better.”

 

Judge Robert Kennedy would bring home the Bulldog Low Gross Hardware marking his 6th Career Low Gross Title. Last year seemed to be a new awakening after a prolonged Low Gross draught for the Judge, as he posted two Low Gross Crowns in 2008, which included a (-3 par) 69 at the Salvaggio & Garibian MGA major last August. The Judge went 40-41-81 to defeat Michael Heller’s 39-42-81, by a roll back victory.

 

The Judge’s comments on this day were as follows: “Keep in mind I was riding solo as my partner Batman had to cancel due to pregnant wife. I made par on the first hole, and missed a 10-foot birdie putt on the second hole. On the third hole I hit a smooth 8 iron to twelve feet and made the birdie putt, and followed the birdie with a double on the Par 5, 4th-hole. I couldn't believe how far number 9 was playing into the wind. Hit driver and a 3-wood and still came up short. Number 10 was a bear.  Hit driver, 3W, and a 20-yard pitch to get to the green and made a bogey 5.  Poor club choice on hole 11 results in a double. Made par on 12 and just missed a 10-foot birdie putt on the 13th. Bogeyed 14 to 16, a par on 17, and with feet totally wet through (no longer own those golf shoes), I was very anxious to get this round over with. On 18, I hit driver, 3W, and a simple 40-yard to chip down the slope to within 2 feet for birdie, and a back nine score of 41.”

 

“Both Jerry and Mark were fun to play with and after completing the round and thawing out in the grill with a hot soup, I promised Craig that if even thinks of rolling this back to the front I would stick my 4-iron so far up his %&#.   Even with a cart cover I was soaked and couldn't wait to get into my car were I had the heater on 90 degrees the whole ride back.”

 

For the third straight week, the hard charging AGB’s would secure the Low Net Honors. On opening day, it was Walter Bearse, followed by Casey Jones Haff in week No. 2, at Architects Club. In week No. 3, at Royce Brook, the AGB’s Captain, Sgt. Major Neas, would grab the Low Net Honors posting a net 36-37-73. In fact, both Sgt. Major and Walter Bearse, two of the three net champs this year, are using the same instructor, who has seriously helped their games.

 

The following is Sgt. Major’s plug about his golfing coach: “I have been playing golf on and off for about 23 years, mostly with friends and drinking beer at the same time. When I joined the GMA, I started to take the game more seriously.  For example when I would play with Bob Long and others, we bet on everything going...Long drives, 3 putts, birdies, Sally's (drive did not pass the ladies tee) etc.  You get the idea.  If I shot 115 and won money, I was happy.  If I shot 89 and lost money I was pisses.  When Bob and me would play as a team in Mission events, the same bets applied. As you can see my focus was not where it needed to be.”

 

“I told Bob that this type of golf needed to stop.  You can spend about $3-5 grand in the Mission plus all the other outside events that we all play.  I wanted to get better spending all that money.  About fours years ago I decided to take lessons and it helped.  The first two years I was taught the basics, a pre shot routine and practiced very little.  It helped but I was light years away from where I wanted to be.”

 

“At Hyatt Hills in Clark, I saw one of the Golf Pro's giving lessons and always pulling out this red book to show the person he was instructing and noticed that they did not hit many balls.  I found this strange. I asked around and found out that his name was Gary Ostrega. He has been teaching for over 25 years, was on the Pro tour both in the USA and Europe.  He recently won the 2004 NJSGA Senior Championship and the NJPGA Match Play Championship.  He also has participated in the golf channel's Big Break 6 & 7 competition.”

 

“I started taking lessons with him two years ago. A very grueling first lesson, and oh yea, I only hit 8 balls that day. What would take place over the past two years are drills he taught me, practice 4-5 days a week, and at the same time trying to get rid of the anger I had on the course.  No more breaking of clubs, throwing clubs like they were lawn darts, etcetera.  He told me, Eddie you are an amateur, you are going to hit a bad shot.”

 

“He teaches strategy, emphasizes fundamentals of proper grip, athletic posture, dynamic balance, pre shot routine and tempo.  His specialty includes gaining distance, consistency, short game, course management, relaxation techniques and goal setting.  Drills and homework are assigned to guarantee success.  He is not into hitting a hundred balls in an hour. Gary Ostrega’s cell number is 980-419-2552. My handicap has dropped from about a 15 to my current 11. Yes, I am looking to go lower. No sand bagging here, I spent 30 years in the Marine Corps and had my share of filling Sand Bags...Ooh Rah!”

 

 

April 4, 2009:  13th Annual Big Blue Classic @ Architects

 

GM & Casey Jones Haff Battle Wind Storm in ’09 Big Blue

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(Phillipsburg, NJ) – There are certainly days of infamy on the Golf Mission Tour. Flash back to April 8th, 2006, at Twisted Dune for the running of the 12th Annual Atlantic City Open. It conjures up a very nasty memory for those 111 psychotic Missioneer’s who experienced the Twisted Dune nightmare round. Picture winds comparable to Architects Club this past Saturday, drop the temperatures to the high 30’s, low 40’s, and add a bitching rainfall. At Twisted Dune, Jay Kotzen, the GMA Ranger, claimed it was raining buckets, and it was falling sideways. We had to pull the plug that afternoon after nine holes, and with the scores from nine holes in, we had to crown a Low Gross Champion; some would later belittle that accomplishment as a 9-Hole Low Gross Champion. Yes, indeed, blessed with the Luck of the Irish, one Peter Murray, a.k.a. “The Mayor”, “The Nine Hole Champ”, or “Mr. High Volume”, after cocktail number two, had gathered the Low Gross Crown. He had posted a 38 on the front nine at Twisted to capture the coveted Low Gross asterisk; or half asterisk for the purest of critics. 

 

Ninety-three Missioneers battled the ferocious winds this past Saturday, April 4, at Architect’s Club. We had five no shows, which is a very high no show count. Actually three no shows, in fact. One anonymous player wasn’t aware of the 8:30am start, due to a typo error in the initial paperwork posting listing 11:30am as the start. When he arrived at 11:00am, trucking all the way from Northern Bergen County, and pulling into the parking lot he first smelled trouble when nobody was milling around. The other no show established a Golf Mission first. In the 536th Golf Mission event, no player before this date had traveled to a tournament an opted not to play because it was too windy. This fine young man, a fair-weather golfer from Staten Island, had probably got up near 5:30am, and made his way through all the lights, bridges, and tolls, to Architects Club, which is nearly in Pennsylvania. He claimed the return trip was nice and warm.

 

How windy was it on Saturday? So windy that the Rules & Regulations Committee, headed by Chairman Jim Pacelli, established a local rule, that would prevent players from being penalized if they had addressed their putts, and the wind had moved their ball. It was so windy that the thought of setting up the Turn Leader Board was never an option. It was so windy that some were chattering that maybe nobody would post a birdie in the birdie pool. Indeed the Birdie Pool was unusually light with only 35 contestants from a 93-player field. But as windy as it may have been, the course did have lots of holes that were protected from the wind. Pockets of normal playing conditions did exist, and things are never quite as bad or good as a swayed crowd tends to over react. 

 

Of the ninety-three contestants chasing the 13th Annual Big Blue Net Championship, for the hopes of capturing the Bronze Man, two players posted net par or better. Greg “Casey Jones” Haff, a veteran of the AGB’s, would take home his first career Net Hardware posting a net 35-36-71 (-1). A first year rookie, from Australia, Chris Jamison, of The Pit Crew, was Runner Up at 33-39-72 (E), and the 2005 Player of the Year, and a distinguished Member of the Rules & Regulations Committee, Thomas “Jumpuits” Acton finished show at net 36-38-74. Mr. Haff who started on Hole No. 11 of this shotgun start, got off to a hot start with 3 net birds on his first 4 holes, and after 9 holes, he was (-2) net par. On the 11th hole of his match he closed out, and had given a serious beating to veteran Richard Raschdorf of the Beer Pressure, up 9 with 7 to go. After 15 holes into the match, Casey Jones was (-4) net par before carding a snowman on 16.

 

It was so windy that Jerry “Batman” Streim, before the event, wanted to place wagers that the Low Gross Champion score would be 87 or higher. Batman and his prediction were way off the mark. In fact his NUNI teammate, Glenn Joseph Morello, a.k.a. “GM” would prove that Jerry’s numbers were eight strokes heavy. On a day when the savage winds would come close to 40mph, the Architect’s Head Professional was pretty amazed that someone could post a 79 on a day like that, he claimed, “That’s some serious golf.”

 

GM would capture his 44th Career Low Gross Championship, and one day the Low Gross Cup will bear his sir name. Starting on No. 18, of this shotgun start, he was (+4) after 9 holes played. Then on his 10th hole of the day, No. 9, a 410-yard, par 4, exposed to the wind, trouble came knocking. As GM explained, “Drive to the middle of the fairway, 180 yards to the center into a 40 mph wind...indecision...ball in water....drop, next ball in water...equals 8 shots.” On the last eight holes he was flawless carding 7 pars and one birdie to post a 43-36-79. As GM said, “How did I settle down on the back 9?  Simple, I never gave up, and kept grinding. I still believed in myself, and my ability.  Pretty simple, you just have to get yourself to believe that; I believe in me.” Down 4 holes at the turn to a tremendous match play opponent, Anthony “The Bulldog” Kaufmann, GM would halve his match. “The scary part is I hit 11 fairways and 14 greens in a 30 to 40mph wind storm, and only missed one green on the back nine.
It was the toughest wind day I have ever played in.”

 

 

 

March 28, 2009:  19th Annual Polar Bear Open @ Sea Oaks

 

Links Petruzzi & Sharples Pop Cherries…

Dominator Edges English Boy for Low Gross Title No. 25…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(LITTLE EGG HARBOR, NJ) – The 24th Golf Mission season kicked off at Sea Oaks Golf Club on this past Saturday, March 25. The 19th Annual Polar Bear Open would, again, live up to it’s billing with overcast skies, and sporadic light rain. It was a mild day when compared against past Polar Bear’s. Not a great day for golf but, it certainly beats avoiding responsibilities on the home front, and is the perfect excuse for ducking your mates Honey-Do-List. You bust your ass all week long, and on your weekend off, it doesn’t seem fair to switch from the career do list; to the household do list. That rings of servitude. The Golf Mission is your ticket for a full afternoon to escape from the grind.

 

Remember that money, it’s just a number, and speaking of numbers, I sure am glad that my taxes are going to bail out the banks, and insurance companies. We are told that these institutions are too big to fail. They made mistakes, and now we must support them in their times of trouble. When bankers take risk, work hard, and succeed nobody minds their big payday, and when this risk taking leads to catastrophe, the average taxpayer, a poor bastard by comparison, covers their tail with taxpayer dollars. Socialism is for the big banker in trouble, and rugged capitalism is for the Average Joe who fails. This is grossly unfair, and I believe is because most elected officials, Democratic or Republican, are on the take. A politician’s chief responsibility is to get re-elected, and they need large sums of money to run campaigns. Once elected those who financed their coffers is rewarded. If McCain were elected, the bailout situation would be much the same. On critical issues both parties align their tune to please the paymasters.

 

My grass roots solution is very simple. From now on, vote every incumbent out of office, and don’t worry about his or her political party. We have a two-party system. One party has money to influence, and the other party doesn’t. Let them run one term only, and then swiftly kick their ass out of office, and by doing so the people will be upholding term limits. Career politicians are the enemy regardless of their party affiliation. The Congress and Senate have very low ratings, but re-election rates continue to be staggeringly high. Never re-elect a candidate, and trust me, it will provide much more difficulty for the lobbyist’s, large corporations, and donors to influence politicians, who will be in a constant state of turnover. If you are on the other side of the coin and are greasing the wheel, you want to develop a long relationship with a politician, and the longer they are in office, the better for your special interests.              

 

Getting back to golf, and moving far away from politics, Dominic Cerreto, a.k.a. “The Dominator”, of the Rat Pack, had picked up where he had left off last year. In last season’s final Regular Season Tour at Whitetail, Mr. Cerreto, thoroughly dominated the field with a six-stroke margin of victory, and a two under par, gross 70, his second sub-par round of the season. In this year’s season opener at Sea Oaks, “The Dominator” grabbed his second consecutive Low Gross Title, and his 26th Career Gross Title, with a stage three tiebreaker against the English Lad, Christopher Lane. Both players had posted 76’s, and both players had posted 41’s on the back nine. The second tiebreaker was the last 6-holes where they both carded 27, and finally Mr. Cerreto got the edge on tiebreaker three, the last 3-holes, where his 15, ousted the English Lad’s 16. Mr. Cerreto is an accomplished chiropractor, based out of Nutley, New Jersey. He runs an Accelerated Recovery Program that is state of the art, and helps prevent injuries, increase strength, and accelerate recovery from injuries or surgery. He can be reached by phone at 973-667-4005.

 

In the low net competition, Walter Bearse, of the AGB’s, would post a 35-36-71, which would beat the English Lad by tiebreaker, at 32-39-71. The English Boy would collect two Runner Up finishes that would earn him two hand shakes, two pat on the backs, and two encouraging, “At a Boy’s”. After starting off the afternoon with two consecutive net bogeys, Mr. Bearse got down to business and on the remaining sixteen holes he would play very steady golf carding 13 net pars, and 3 net birds. After 14 holes of play, he and playing partner Johnny Garland defeated their Beer Pressure opponents, handily, closing the hatch after 14 holes.

 

Ron Ryll was a first year Rookie in 2008, and he joined the GMA as a member of a new franchise called, “The Crushers”. The Crushers had high hopes to start the year, but by midseason, their spring hopes were simply another case of wishful thinking, and at one point I had even volunteered to rename the Crushers as the “The Bottom Feeders”. We laughed, and joked about the name, and for one week of the year, on the web they were listed as the Bottom Feeders, but a quick change of heart, and back to the Crushers. As the Crusher franchise dismantled, Ron Ryll, became the sole survivor of the Crusher legacy, and was drafted this season by Senator Bob Haines, of the Winning Links.

 

Mr. Ryll paired up with Jerry Petruzzi, a veteran, of the Links, for the season opener at Sea Oaks. In a razor tight team finish at this year’s Polar Bear Open, four teams would top the Leader Boards with net 67’s, five blows under par. A mere two strokes would separate the Champions from the 12th Place Team Finishers at net 69. When teams are tie we utilize aggregate net scoring to break ties, thus all strokes are counted, and this in hope, will minimize the baggage factor in team play. Aggregate net scoring is simply calculated by adding both players’ net scores, and when this was tabulated, Mr. Ryll, and Mr. Petruzzi had earned the Team Championship, a first victory for both on the GMA Tour. The Numbers were as follows:

 

Finish

Score

Aggr.

1. Winning Links: Petruzzi-Ryll

31-36-67

(154)

2. The Slicers: Acton-Melucci

30-37-67

(156, 72)

3. Iron Workers: Geddes-Simon

32-35-67

(156, 73)

4. The Money Shot: Donoghue-Tripp

33-34-67

(161)

 

 

October 25-26, 2008: 2007 Moller Mechanical GMA World Series @ Sea Oaks

 

The Big D. Spark’s Money Shot Attack at ’08 Series 

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(LITTLE EGG HARBOR, TWP.) – For the second year in a row, Sea Oaks Golf Club would host the Moller Mechanical GMA World Series, and the 2008 Championship would go down in the books as the tightest finish ever. In a repeat of what occurred on the 2005 Tour, all of the 2008 Wild Card Seeds, which are those teams ranked from 9 to16, perished in the first two rounds of post-season competition. During the last two years, only one Wild Card Seed had advanced to the World Series, and that was the 15th seeded Money Shot squad of 2007. Over the past four seasons, only three Wild Card Seeds made it to the GMA World Series: in 2006: The Slicers (No. 9) & The Dawgs (No. 11); in 2007: The Money Shot.

 

The weather forecast for Saturday, October 25, was so bleak that GMA management made specific Rain Contingency Plans on the Friday evening before the event. However as Saturday came to be, the forecast, as is often the case was off target, and fortunate for the field, the weather did not play a predominant factor. Around 90 minutes into play, we got hit with a brief 5 to 10 minute rainfall. As Mark Donoghue noted, “The weather was very mixed on Saturday, which made it a bit more difficult because we were adding and taking off layers constantly and also fighting some vicious winds and rain at times.  But overall it was a good day.  Sunday was perfect.” 

 

Seven of the eight 2007 World Series teams had managed to repeat, and were, again, competing in the ‘08 Series at Sea Oaks. So little had changed in fact, that once again Sgt. Major’s AGB’s would face Baron von Palazzolo, and his Baron’s Boys. To better test the metal of the eventual World Champions, a 36-hole contest format was established in 2005, as each team would play the same team opponent in match play in both rounds. In Round One of the World Series, on Saturday, October 25, four players representing each team created two, two-player squads to battle their opponents in two separate team matches. On Sunday, October 26, four players, once again would represent their teams in four separate singles matches against their foe. Over the two days, the four teams that lost more of their six matches (two on Saturday & four on Sunday) would be eliminated. Of the four teams that survived, and won their two-day overall matches, the team with the lowest two-day combined six net scores (two team scores on Saturday plus the four individual net scores on Sunday) would be our 2008 World Series Championship Team. The World Series matches were as follows:

 

1. NUNI                       v.s. 8. Mission Impossible

2. El Grande              v.s. 7. The Money Shot

3. Baron’s Boys         v.s. 6. AGB’s

4. The Slicers            v.s. 5. The Internationals

 

In the first round of play, two strange occurrences would emerge. In all four matches the higher seeds (5 to 8) won more matches, and in each of the four confrontations, the higher seeds would, also, sweep the lower seeds in both of their matches. As the curtain fell on Saturday evening, who would have guessed that the lower seeded teams would wind up 0-8 in match play?

 

The Money Shot (No. 7) had defeated El Grande (No.2) closing both matches on the 17th green. Dan “Pretty Boy” Penza and Dan Tripp, of The Money Shot, would take the lead on the 2nd hole, and they would never relinquish that lead over Bill Gundlach and Ryan Melone. Mark “The Big D.” Donoghue and William “Pancakes” Greco, of Money Shot, would face off against El Grande’s tournament tough twosome, Captain “Bad Ass” William LaRiccia and Dave “Pops” DeFeo. On Saturday, Mark Donoghue rarely got in trouble from the tee box and during the round he would watch 3 to 4 birdie putts that just lipped out. His partner, Will Greco was actually laughing at him because nothing would fall, although he continued to crank out pars. According to Mr. Donoghue, “Early on DeFeo didn't seem to have his putting stroke going. Greco and I just played pretty solid and steady.  We were down 3 points after two holes, but continued to fight back and headed into No. 9, down just one point.  We won both points on the 9th hole, and made the turn plus one and off to a solid start. We never looked back once we gained the lead and eventually won on the 17th.  We could have won on the 15th had I not missed a putt, and if Dave DeFeo didn't roll in from 35 to 40 feet from the fringe on 16 to keep the match alive”. Mr. Donoghue’s red-hot 75 was the lowest gross score on Saturday, and his individual net 67 was instrumental in the Donoghue-Greco victory. The Big D and Pancakes, in addition to securing a match win, would post a team score of 64 that positioned Money Shot for a first place tie after Round One. 

 

Dave and Steve Kim, of the Internationals (No.5), would deliver an upset victory against the heavily favored Slicer’s (No.4) Nicholas “Hallway” Vasta, and Johnny Melucci combo. Oki Hagiwara, and Captain Ben Ohtsu, of the Internationals closed their Slicer opposition, Thomas “Jumpsuits” Acton and Killer Kelly on 17. Walter Bearse and Michael Pszczola, of the AGB’s (No. 6), had the best comeback of the day. After falling 7 points behind at the turn, and trailing from the 4th through the 15th holes, they defeated the Baron’s Boys (No. 3) as the Moller-Steininger duo, shit-the-bed on the back nine. The AGB’s Sgt. Major Neas and Richie “Sunshine” Hebb, down one point going into 18, captured the closest team victory with the only aggregate win on Saturday afternoon over the Baron’s Boys’ Johnny Caveman & The Baron (159-161). 

 

The biggest surprise of Saturday afternoon was the Mission Impossible (No. 8) sweep of NUNI (No.1) the top seed of the draw. Professor Go Go in his pre game predictions was very bullish on NUNI, and he quoted, “First we would like to offer congratulations for Rich Seidel, and his Mission Impossible team, for making their second consecutive World Series. The bad news for Miss Imp is that the rewards of finishing as the 8th Seed pitted them against the 3-time World Champion NUNI dynasty. Professor Go Go anticipates that Mission Impossible is in over its head, and has almost no chance of defeating NUNI this weekend”. Mission Impossible didn’t buy into Go Go’s hype, and decided instead to kick some ass. Steve “The Enforcer” Thompson of Mission Impossible, a 16-year veteran of the GMA, had his finest day on the GMA Tour with a gross 79, and a net 32-34-66, which was the lowest individual net of the day. Only four players on Saturday would bust 80 gross, and Steve was one of them among strong company: Donoghue (75), LaRiccia (79), and Pszczola (79). Mr. Thompson and first year rookie teammate Smokey Benner closed out the seasoned warriors BZ and The Judge on the 14th green, and posted a team score of 64 that bought Mission Impossible a piece of the first place lead after 18 holes. Captain Richard Seidel and Bobby “Crocodile” Martino, of Miss Imp, got off to an early lead against NUNI’s dynamic duo of Spiderman Santo and The Barber, and kept up the heat all day long, in a match that was never very close. Mission Impossible finally closed the door on the 16th green, and in a day’s work had soundly defeated NUNI in both matches.

 

When all was said and done on Saturday, all four of the top seeds that received a double bye from the Wild Card and Semi Final Rounds were blanked 0-2 in match play, and now had their backs against the wall. There was a buzz of excitement in the clubhouse. The NUNI clan was bleeding, and people started to wonder if Mission Impossible could possibly take down the Evil Empire. Another factor making this Series so unique was the tightness of competition. Although the four matches ended in sweeps on Saturday, the combined team scores were very tight with only five strokes separating the top from the bottom. For all practical purposes everybody was still in the race, since five strokes could easily be overcome in the four individual rounds in Sunday’s Final. Saturday’s results were as follows:

 

SATURDAY’S RESULTS

 

Rank

Team

 

Match

Record

A

Team

B

Team

Sat.

Total

1

Mission Imp

2-0

64

69

133

2

Money Shot

2-0

69

64

133

3

El Grande

0-2

68

66

134

4

AGB’s

2-0

69

67

136

5

Internationals

2-0

71

65

136

6

The Slicers

0-2

69

68

137

7

Baron’s Boys

0-2

68

70

138

8

NUNI

0-2

69

69

138

 

The clouds of Saturday had passed, and a bright sun was shining on Sunday morning. Teeing off in the first live group on Sunday, Captain Huck Finn and Nicky Vasta of the Slicers won both their singles matches, which evened the overall matches at 2-2. However, playing in the foursome right behind them, both Captain Benny O. and Dennis Urabe of the Internationals closed their matches against Slicer’s with two victories on the 18th green, and thereby eliminated the Slicers (4-2) in overall match play. The Internationals combined six net scores placed them at 445, which was only 3 strokes higher than their World Championship effort in 2007, at this same Sea Oaks venue, when they posted a 442.

 

The next two groups finishing were the AGB’s and Baron’s Boys rematch of last year. In their 2007 confrontation, the AGB’s fell behind by two matches after the first round of team play, but inspired by Baron’s Boys trash talking the night before, the AGB’s came roaring back to win 3 of the 4 matches on Sunday to squeeze by BB. This year, the AGB’s would sweep Baron’s Boys on Saturday, and pound them into submission on Sunday, taking 3 of the 4 individual matches. Walter Bearse would shut down their leader, a very cranky Baron on No. 14, Sgt. Major defeated super star Johnny Garland on 17, and as a surprise to many, Richie “Sunshine” Hebb closed out Dan Mulville on 16. Mr. T had the only match victory for Baron’s Boys over the weekend. For the second year in a row the AGB’s would send Baron’s Boys sprawling to the canvas, this year winning 5 of 6 matches, and posting a combined team score of 439. Sgt. Major’s AGB’s posted a superb post-season match record of 8-1, having swept three matches from the Rats in the Semi-Finals. A second beating by the AGB’s may have been the final stake in the heart of the Baron’s Boys franchise, which soon imploded on Super Sunday following their loss. There was mutiny in the air all weekend, and soon after their defeat the first reports surfaced that Artie Moller, a frequent Regular Season Bench Warmer, was done with Baron’s Boys and looking for a new team. The next wave of news was stunning as Johnny Caveman Garland, the Baron’s Boys shining star, and a top candidate for Player of the Year, was taking his services to the AGB’s in 2009. Finally rumors circulated in the clubhouse that Baron’s Boys were finished, Baron von Palazzolo was probably leaving the Mission.   

 

What I recall most about Sunday morning was seeing Jerry “Batman” Streim, of NUNI, donning a Batman cape as he practiced on the putting green. Batman was ready for war. On Sunday, October 26th, Batman would rise to the occasion and be a shinning beacon for NUNI posting the fields best numbers on the day recording the lowest gross score (74), and tied for the best individual net on Sunday at (69). Jerry was riding along with teammate Judge Robert Kennedy, and in the foursome behind them, in the last group of the field were teammates Glenn Morello and Michael Ryan. Batman would face red-hot Steve Thompson, of Mission Impossible. Mr. Thompson on the front nine was playing brilliantly having posted a gross 41, net 34, (-2) par, yet he still found himself struggling two holes behind at the turn. He had run into the Batman Express Train, which posted a gross 35, net 32, (-4) par on the front nine. Batman would close out Mr. Thompson on the 16th; four holes up with two to go. Judge Kennedy got off to a rough start against Bill Bailey, and after five holes Mr. Bailey was up three. The match was even at the turn, and Judge closed out Mr. Bailey on the final hole. With this first NUNI foursome finished the overall matches now stood dead even at (2-2), and all was riding on the last group. 

 

Peter “The Ice Man” Barba, of Mission Impossible, was facing Michael “The Kid” Ryan of NUNI in the final foursome. Mr. Ryan, the young buck, was never behind on the front side and was up two at the turn. Mr. Barba tied the match with wins on 10 and 11, and for the first time of the day went ahead on No. 14. He built a two-hole lead on 16, and closed out The Kid on 18, up two. Glenn Morello, a.k.a. “GM” of NUNI, needed a win against Michael Gordon, of Miss Imp, to avoid his team’s elimination. Mr. Gordon took a two-hole lead by 7, but by the 10th the match was tied. Mr. Gordon went up one with a win on 11, and they pushed the next five holes. GM evened the match with a win on 17; however, the match ended a tie, as they both would push recording pars on 18. Mission Impossible against all odds had slain the Dragon, with an overall match record of (3-2-1), and had put together a combined team score of 439.

 

In the last five World Series’ dating back to 2003, the powerhouse NUNI franchise had captured three World Championships in ’03,’04, and ’06, finished second once, third another time, and had not been eliminated by overall match play in those five years. Although NUNI took a fall their loss didn’t detract from their fabulous regular season, which added to their legacy of excellence. They captured their 4th Pennant this year: 2002, 2004, 2007, and 2008, and established two new solid records. They beat the No. 2 seed, El Grande, by an astonishing 24.25 points, and they accumulated 148.75 GMA points, eclipsing their old record of 133 points in 2004. Due to the new point system instituted this year, at first one would figure point inflation aided their 148.75-point total, but after evaluating overall point distributions in 2008, my estimates figured there was overall slight point deflation this year, magnifying those results. 

 

On Sunday, the Money Shot and El Grande singles matches were set up as such. In the first foursome Mark Donoghue, and Will Greco, would face El Grande’s Brad Bednarz, and Douglas “Moonshine” Mooney, respectively. In the follow up foursome, Dan Penza and Dan Tripp would square off respectively against Bill LaRiccia, and Dave DeFeo. Mark Donoghue claimed, “The Greco-Mooney contest wasn't much of a competition.  Doug Mooney was battling a recent injury and Will played well.  Doug started off poorly on the first 4 holes and was quickly down 4.  Will played steady golf and made the turn up 6 holes on Doug, and I commend Greco for grinding it out and keeping focused, because after you win your match it’s tough to keep playing, and in the finals we needed every stroke to count. We needed a good finish from a guy whose match was over 5 & 4, and he delivered the goods”.

 

On Sunday, Mark Donoghue shifted to a higher gear. As he would recall, “I made just about every putt I looked at!  It was almost uncanny, but I had to have rolled in more 6 to 10 footers than anyone out there. Sunday's round was much different. Brad Bednarz is a very solid player, and he too took me late into the match”. The Big D started off with a bogey and then recorded eight consecutive pars for a gross 37, net 33 (-3) at the turn, up two. Mr. Donoghue said, “Again my putter on the front 9 was quoted by Brad as being "deadly". He was shaking his head with some of the putts I was dropping. I won 10 going up 3, but then lost 11 and tied 12 to only be up 2 again.  I won 13, only to lose 14. Every time I got to 3 up, I couldn't seal the deal and finish him off.  It was very exciting.  Brad was getting a stroke on 17, and I had hit a terrible drive certainly my worst of the day, but from about 225 to 230 yards out, and with the pressure on, I hit a great 3-wood onto the 17th green and knocked it home in two.  When my second putt found the cup, and Brad had made 5 for 4 with his stroke, we halved the hole, and the match ended, and I was certainly relieved because Brad was coming on strong”. El Grande was now toast after going (0-4) in match play, to this point.

 

In the following group, Dan Tripp built a 3-hole lead on Dave “Pops” DeFeo after 10 holes. Mr. DeFeo struck back with wins on 11, and 15, and is now down one. Mr. Tripp recalls, “On 16, the 515-yard par 5, I hit it dead left, chip out and end up four putting for a 9, and the match is now tied.  On 17, the 450-yd., par 4, I pipe a drive then hit a 6 iron to 12 feet, and two-putt for par. Dave almost hits his drive in the water, and just barely clears it. His second shot ends up 180 from the green.  He then hits his third to 8 feet, and almost makes the putt to beat me on the hole since he was getting a stroke. Instead he cards a bogey and we push. On 18, I hit a fairly good drive and an 8 iron to 15 feet. We both pushed with pars, and the match ended in a tie.  I was proud of the fact that I didn’t let that quad, on 16, get to me”.      

 

Six holes into his singles match, Dan Penza had a 3-hole lead on Bad Ass Willie. As teammate Dan Tripp recalls, “Penza makes a triple bogey 8, on No. 9, and breaks his sand wedge in frustration. On number 10, he’s just short of the green, chipping for birdie.  He would normally use the now broken sand wedge, but clubs up one, I think, and chips in for birdie. I run over and give him a money shot chest bump. He proceeds to play the first 6 holes of the back at even par”. Dan Penza describes the finish, and claims, “To add to the drama, I was 3 up going into 15. Rick Coughlin, a teammate and now spectator, showed up in a cart by the trees while we were putting out on 15. On queue, LaRiccia drops a 30-foot downhill snake on the 15th that hangs on the lip for 10 seconds before falling into the cup. His birdie beats my par. I’m still two up going into 16. After I made double bogey, on 16 from the fairway, I left my remaining wedges on the green. So I'm up one and getting a shot on 17. Pipe the drive and somehow top my 6-iron. Not sure how it happened, but I end up at 105 yards out; A perfect yardage for the broken sand-wedge. Now I have no 52-degree or 60, and I try to saw down a pitching wedge while Rick takes the cart to go find my clubs. I top the ball down the fairway two more times before skulling my chip onto the back of the green and two putting for a triple bogey…Five Over In Two Holes…The only thing in my mind on the 18th tee was that the match was now even and Billy smelled blood. Bill hit a good drive and I followed him. Turns out he was left and blocked out a bit from the green. He made 5 to my par, with my heart pounding the whole way.”

 

As the sun faded into a blue and orange streaked sky on Super Sunday, the late afternoon temperature dipped, and the last scores of the Mission Impossible and NUNI matches were quickly tallied to the Leader Board, closing the books on the twenty-third season of the GMA Tour. When we calculated the scores of the four teams that had won their overall matches, we added up their six scores covering both days, and the top three teams were separated by only two strokes. A mere two strokes would narrowly spell the difference from a World Championship finish, to a tie for Runner Up. The final results marked the closest finish ever.

 

Mission Impossible had defeated Goliath, but came up just two strokes short. The AGB’s had sent Baron’s Boys into oblivion, but came up just two strokes short. The Money Shot had beaten the wind out of El Grande, and had prevailed as the 2008 Moller Mechanical GMA World Series Champions, by two lonely blows. Shoeless Jim Heyl and Pretty Boy Penza had splintered from The City Slicer’s after the 2003 season, and created The Money Shot in ‘04, and in between they had some pretty damn lean years, but in their fifth season they rose like cream to the top. Along the way, they picked up some strong acquisitions. Dan Penza recruited Wall Street pals, The Big D, and Willie Bar Stools in 2006, then Rick Coughlin in 2008, and they drafted well picking up Anthony “The Bulldog” Kaufmann, and Dan Tripp in 2007.  A team that had invented the infamous one player blitz, in hard times, was now the champion.

 

Lost in the shuffle of the moment, one must not forget Steve Thompson of Mission Impossible who had a tremendous World Series carding a two-day net total of 66-74-140 (-4). The margin of victory was scant, and with a small break here, or there, Mr. Thompson could easily have been the star of ‘08 leading Mission Impossible to the gold, but then again, if the Queen had balls she would be the King. The King of the 2008 World Series was without question the Money Shot’s money player, The Big D, a.k.a. Mark John Donoghue. I can recall him making jokes on the first tee at Bethlehem during the 2007 Semi-Finals. He exudes a fearless spirit, and a light nature, necessary ingredients for success during crunch time, the factors that separate the wheat from the chaff, for the worrywart be damned in post-season play. The Big D brought game to Sea Oaks putting together one of the most impressive GMA World Series performances in memory, and posting an astounding two-day net total of 67-69-136 (-8). Who would expect a guy to win the World Series MVP honors only a few months after getting married to his wife Shari this past July 12? Wait until he has kids.

 

2008 GMA WORLD SERIES FINAL SEEDING

 

Match Winners

Rank

Team

 

Match

Record

A

Team

B

Team

Sat.

Total

A

Indiv.

B

Indiv.

C

Indiv.

D

Indiv.

36

Total

1

Money Shot

5-0-1

69

64

133

79

78

69

78

437

2

Mission Imp

3-2-1

64

69

133

79

72

81

74

439

3

AGB’s

5-1-0

69

67

136

75

78

75

75

439

4

Internationals

4-2-0

71

65

136

74

75

81

79

445

 

Match Losers

Rank

Team

 

Match

Record

A

Team

B

Team

Sat.

Total

A

Indiv.

B

Indiv.

C

Indiv.

D

Indiv.

36

Total

5

NUNI

2-3-1

69

69

138

81

79

76

69

443

6

The Slicers

2-4-0

69

68

137

75

78

77

77

444

7

El Grande

0-5-1

68

66

134

80

80

72

86

452

8

Baron’s Boys

1-5-0

68

70

138

74

89

80

79

460

 

 

 

August 2, 2008: 18th Annual Salvaggio & Garibian MGA @ Architect’s

 

“Here come da’ Judge!” NUNI teammates bellowed up the 18th fairway as neither rain, nor dark of cloud nor sodden track can stop Bobby K from navigating The MGA at Architects Club with his first-ever sub-par round!!

 

BY STAFF WRITER:  Jack Callahan

 

August 2, 2008 (Lopatcong, NJ) – If you reflect back on your academic career, what school courses would you say you got the most out of? Was it a subject….or a teacher/professor…or the class camaraderie? I’ve given several sermons over the years about some of my teachers from school days. I was very fortunate. I didn’t see it that way at the time…but sometimes, events take on a patina over time that can help us to view things….differently.

 

Ever have an English teacher who would humiliate anyone who hadn’t looked up the meaning of words in text being read in class? (“What’s him to Hecuba, or Hecuba to he…?” from Hamlet was my first lambasting. How should I know who the hell Hecuba was?) “Look it up”, says Mr. Cavallo, “…or you’re just another ignorant jock with a diploma”; The Latin teacher who expected perfect pronunciation in a language no one has spoken for 1000 years; The Chemistry teacher who didn’t care for rounding to the nearest number of moles; or the Health teacher who had zero tolerance for labeling the anatomy diagram with misspelled names…even if they WERE female body parts I didn’t even have. Who cares how you spell “fallopian” anyway…and who knew it wasn’t located in the neck? And how valuable is knowing how to conjugate an irregular verb, derive the quadratic equation or to decipher the meaning of one of Henry James’s arcane novels (Critics still can’t figure out “The Turn of the Screw”….and we were expected to do something intelligent with it in 10th grade? According to the ancient spinster, Miss Flynn… “Everything but the correct answer…is wrong!”).

 

And all those lessons finally come to roost, for all of us, on the golf course each tournament. Only its not Latin, or Hamlet or knowing mathematical formulas. It’s the tools in our bag that we need to have mastered. And the “teachers” are all those mistakes we’ve made before, and how we worked on them…to eradicate them. No more Hecuba’s. And without having mastered those lessons and those tools in the bag---off the tee, in the rough, behind trees, in a sand trap, restricted backswing, soggy turf, a must-make 10 foot putt…a flop shot to a tight pin----there is NO WAY to shoot a sub-par round. It all has to come together….for eighteen holes…all clubs, all shots…the same day, despite fatigue, wind and rain, bad bounces…for us Mission Hackers to pull off something like that. AN UNDER PAR ROUND. Valhalla for a golfer…even if only once in a lifetime. 

 

And on one cloudy day, marked by a deluge in the morning---players huddled under a tent---the keg of beer already tapped—to a baking sun that vaporized all the moisture into our skin in the mid-afternoon…and to a cloudy, windy, menacing sky by the time the last foursome came up the 18th fairway after two lightning delays…it came to be at Architects Club at the MGA.

 

To everyone’s chagrin, it was a player from NUNI….and it was in a Major, meaning “double” points for everything. Just when you thought it was safe to assume the Evil Empire was aging and losing its edge, despite the desperation of adding Glenn Morello, the unbeatable Achilles of GMA gross titles, to its roster, Bobby “The Judge” Kennedy has a round of near perfection, and captures bookends----Low Gross AND Low Net----to swamp the tournament field and vault NUNI into a comfortable lead in the standings. Ay Caramba!

 

Bobby is a product of the Bronx, a lifelong Mets fan. Here’s something scary: He’s the same age as the Republican candidate for Vice President, Sarah Palin! He moved to NJ when he went to college at Rutgers, where he met wife, Gina, playing pool in the Game Room. They’ve been playing Stripes and Solids ever since, no doubt! His son, Kyle Robert, was born to them just about 4 years ago. Bobby joined JP Morgan after graduation…where he’s been now for 20 years, including the merger with Chase Bank. As Vice President in the Business Banking department, his specialty is helping small to mid-size businesses in the $5-20 million revenue range.  If his clients can’t play golf, he hands them off to the more geeky banking VP’s.

 

Some might not remember that Bobby and Brian Z were the guys that put the team together at the start…”Never Up Never In” came from a suggestion from one of his friends…and the name NUNI stuck. Craig hooked them up with Steve Palazzolo, who was disenfranchised with his prior team, despite winning the cup the previous year…and the big names starting coming over. With three titles the last five years…and some of the more acerbic tongues in the league…they have become known as the Evil Empire. That image was softened somewhat at the finals at Sea Oaks last year when they graciously and warmly congratulated the Internationals after losing to them on the last day for the GMA World Series title.

 

But on this day at Architects, it was all Bobby K, as he racked up a staggering 9.5 points himself, by winning low gross, low net and his match. To put some perspective on that, the second highest number of points garnered in a single event this year…was 5.75….done three times (LaRiccia, Ryan and Kolkka). “I was up and down from a lot of places”, Bobby told me. “I even hit a five iron into the water on #5 and had to drop on the side of a hill, but was able to salvage bogey”. He hit several shots into trouble like rough and woods, but scrambled to make pars almost every time.

 

Even when teammate Jerry Streim told him “Play it safe” on the tough par 5 #13 when his tee shot was in the rough with water between him and the hole…he didn’t listen…a 200-yard hack, chip and putt later, he had a birdie. Sometimes, that’s what it takes to play an under par round: No, not ignoring Batman’s advice…having that “Go for it” attitude.

 

At the end of 16, the lightning and rain started up again…and the horn sounded, clearing the course. At that point, his match had just concluded with the unshakeable Russ Ebelherr. With BK at gross 61 to that point, it would take Hurricane Katrina to keep him from finishing the round…but fortunately, the storm moved on and the two groups still on the course went back to finish.

 

NUNI team mates and several others of us, several rounds of “cheer” into the wind at that point, gathered up the 18th fairway, watching BK’s tee shot fly into the fairway bunker. He hacked out to front of the green, chipped up to ten feet or so…and had to make the putt…for his first round ever in the 60’s….and, knees knocking, he made it.

 

As it turned out he needed the putt to beat Dom Cerreto by a single stroke for both the gross title and the net title. That putt alone, despite shooting 69, was worth 4 GMA points over what he would have gotten had he not made it!!

 

Drops on the side of a hill, fairway bunkers, long shots over water from the rough, knee-knocker 10 footers…and a general attitude of “Go For it”…it took all of those to bring together the feat of shooting a round in the 60’s. All those lessons from  years of playing the game…and for one brief shining moment…the pinnacle of achievement. Congrats Bobby K.

 

Hecuba, by the way, was Queen of Sparta and Troy in Greek mythology. She was mother to Paris…the Trojan warrior icon (and mascot at USC). It was Paris who shot the arrow into the heel of Achilles, the invincible warrior, a feat considered impossible. Just like shooting a 69 round is…. for most of us. But the quest continues….

 

 

June 28, 2008: 9th Annual Big Daddy Classic @ Woodstone

 

Coughlin grabs two trophies, but no points for Money Shot at the Villanova Reunion… Skawinski’s Even Par round takes the Low Gross title

 

STAFF WRITER Gene Campbell Sr.

 

(Danielsville, PA) Woodstone Country Club was the scene for the Annual Big Daddy Classic. It is a picturesque, well-manicured layout carved out of the hills of Pennsylvania. However one thing kept bothering me as I played this course, what is going on with all those Red stakes?  Red Wood Stake Country Club might have been a better name, considering I didn’t see a Wooden Stone all day. I couldn’t understand why there was red stakes lining so many grassy areas. My first thought was maybe in the spring the melting snow must flood much of the course, but in order to fill all the staked areas the polar ice cap would have to melt (Al Gore may have been the course designer and is really planning on this Global warming thing).  After the round I tracked down the superintendent and got to the bottom of this. It turns out that every summer he hires a lot of local high school kids to help with the maintenance, so he has to line the fairways with Red Stakes so the know where to drive the mowers.  How many guys were just about to ground their clubs in the first cut of rough before they realized they were surrounded by Red Stakes?

 

Woodstone is a challenging course requiring accuracy and smart shot placement, then throw in what many players complained were the slowest greens they have played in a GMA event. “It was like putting through Peanut Butter” observed Dan Penza from the winning Money Shot team.

 

Helping fuel the Team Championship duo of Dan Penza and Rick Coughlin was a College rivalry. It turns out both Rick and one of the members of the losing team, who shall remain nameless, (Pete Murray) attended Villanova together. Dan Penza was also a Nova grad. Since they went to the same University the rivalry must have been between frat houses, or maybe a painful loss at the “Villanova All Beer Olympics.” Supporting this theory is Rick Coughlin’s college nickname “The Beer God”.

 

From what Rick tells me, in addition to the comfort factor of playing against an old friend it was a matter of “Horses for Courses”, and Woodstone suited his game perfectly. Rick being a notoriously short but straight hitter, wasn’t bothered by the short doglegs or all the red stakes. He did mention he took some abuse when the other three members of his group were hitting 8 irons to a par three and he went with a 5 wood. The was his first GMA battle with his friendly rival, and sparked Rick to his lowest GMA score by almost 10 strokes leading to a First Place Low Net finish. (I knew Craig, our Fearless leader, wasn’t shrewd enough to set up this reunion pairing on purpose) 

 

Even though it took all 18 holes for Rick and Dan to finish off their opponents, Rick did remark that Pete was a lightweight going all the way back to his college days. I smell grudge match!    

 

The other big winner in the Woodstone event was Craig Skawinski, who won the Low Gross title with an Even Par round! Craig went on a birdie barrage knocking down 5 Birds to offset his scattered bogies.

 

Craig who plays to single digit handicap despite fighting the effects of his shoulder surgery had, as he described, “one of those days”.

 

This day was defined by his hot putter. He was hitting the Driver and Irons “just OK” and on any other day probably would have ended up with a round near 80, but Craig dropped seven one putts and some form very long range. None of the five Birdie putts were from tap in range and the longest being a 60 foot bomb on Number 10 in the middle of his four hole birdie streak.

 

As usually happens when you are having “one of those days” when he was on 10 he was just trying to lag the putt close, and it got close, turned left and dropped in the hole.

 

The lesson learned from the Champions for Next years event at Woodstone, bring the “short game”.

    

 

June 28, 2008: 8th Annual HBH Open @ High Bridge Hills

 

Beer Pressure “Taps” Field @ Annual Pinehurst!!!

 

STAFF WRITER Bob Haines

 

Every season the Golf Mission breaks away from their usual individual match format and Two Man Best Ball tournaments with the annual Pinehurst Match Play Championship.  For those GMA faithful not familiar with this format, both players tee off with each player playing their partners ball for the second shot, then selecting the ball they decide to score, and playing that ball alternately to the hole.  This format more than any other requires both players to work together as a team using each player’s strength to record the lowest possible score.

 

The 2008 HBH OPEN Championship was awarded to Beer Pressure represented by Dave Kolkka and John “Coach” Cochiere with an outstanding 29-28-57 score.  Beer Pressure, while playing to a 21-team handicap, would claim a three-stroke victory over runner-up Money Shot with a 32-28-60.  Eleven-year veteran Dave Kolkka, claimed his second victory of the 2008 GMA season, having won the Masters major Championship at Scotland Run during April.  Playing partner Johnny “Coach” Cochiere is also no stranger to the winners circle, taking the 2006 British Open during his Rookie season while playing on a split team.

 

Beer Pressure would have no trouble in their match closing out Jim Wallace and Joe Barhanti after 13 holes!  The Beer Pressure boys began the day on the right foot with a birdie on the 367 yd., par 4 eleventh hole.  Using Big Dave Kolkka’s drive, Coach Johnny would stick a pitching wedge 4 feet from the pin allowing Dave to tap in for a team birdie, net eagle!  Johnny claimed he gave Dave a good opportunity on the opening hole getting an iron to within 4 ft. that Dave could not convert, so he figured he would get Dave a “gimmie” putt on the following hole!  Beer Pressure was as smooth as a 6-pack recording six consecutive pars until the keg burst on the 405 yd., par 4 eighteenth hole.  Dave & John would both hit into the ugly High Bridge fesque, taking two strokes to get out leading to a quadruple bogie eight!!  Beer Pressure would remain dry for two more holes, recording consecutive team bogies on the following two holes before reaching for the reserve tap!

 

Life was good again, over the next five holes, as the B.P. team would register four pars and a birdie on the short 100 yd. par three sixth hole.  Once again, Johnny would give teammate Dave an opportunity for a birdie, and Dave would come through dropping a 15ft. putt.

 

Beer Pressure played the Pinehurst the way it was designed, executing their game plan to a tee!  John would always drive first hoping to keep the ball in play so that Dave could pull out the “Big Dog” and let loose.  John has a relatively good short game giving Dave opportunities for birdies all day long!

 

So if you think you and your partner have what it takes to master the Pinehurst and the High Bridge fesque, come on out in 2009 and take on defending champion Beer Pressure!!

 

June 21, 2008: 22nd Annual Mission U.S. Open @ Grossinger

 

The Kid and the Old Men of the League take Net honors at Grossingers;

Dead Man “Barstools” takes the Gross as last-minute fill in

 

BY STAFF WRITER:  Jack Callahan

 

JUNE 21, 2008 (Liberty, NY) – You’re never too young…or too old, apparently, to win a Major in the GMA tour. Never has there been better evidence of that than in this year’s Mission Open in the Catskills. Scene for this year’s Open was once again at that rundown, anachronistic resort with the unforgiving golf course…known as Grossinger’s.

 

Ever watched the movie “Dirty Dancing”?…It took place at a Catskills resort called “Kellerman's”…which was modeled after Grossingers.  Kellerman’s is what this place looked like in its heyday. The Movie took place in the summer of 1963….probably the last time Grossingers had any overnight guests and someone manning the entranceway guard shack…but the Golf Course lives on in the infamy that only those who love wildly sloping greens, untamed rough and some horrendous water carries can appreciate. And the place has  a MAN’s bar…lots of real paneling, wood tables and chairs…well-worn and musty rugs---caulking peeling away from the windows…men’s rooms with real flush handles on the pots…no auto flush, or any dainty pretty stuff and pastels that coed golf has made PC today.

 

And the first gauntlet we had to run wasn’t even on the golf course. Did you see all the police with their captured prey running the full length of the State Route 117 from the Thruway out to Liberty, NY? It’s like a trip back in time, except the police have radar.  Hear we had a couple of missioneers caught in Smokey’s Web that day.

 

Gotta love that Grossinger’s driving range.  For a shotgun start…get there early or be prepared to wait your turn. Only a dozen or so slots to hit from…and some of those balls still have elastic winding and some dirt from the Paleozoic era. Looks like they invested in new carts this year…maybe those 1920 carburetors on the old ones were “gas guzzlers” they couldn’t afford any more. And the cart paths…I swear Dom Ceretto had a brisk walk-in business the next day from Mission Players. I lost three fillings on those bumps…but then again, Conn Finn was driving my cart and he’d find potholes on the Bonneville Salt Flats. But for Grossinger’s cart paths,  they need carts with Monroe’s and Rack and Pinion steering in them to combat the tidal wave-size upheavals…The Sea of Tranquility this place ain’t. I believe that the paths were modeled by the same guy who did the Cross Bronx expressway of the 70’s, where a stopped car could get lost in a pothole…and come out stripped 10 minutes later.

 

But despite the Smokey gauntlet, the abandoned guard shack, the boarded up buildings and runaway overgrowth that tried to intimidate the Mission faithful, eventually, it comes down to the competition. As golf’s legendary ombudsmen, Lee Trevino, used to say…. “It takes 72 good holes to make a winner”. I think Heidi Fleiss said that, too! Well, out at venerable Grossinger’s, it would have to happen in 18 for the 60+ teams of two that took up the challenge to seek the second major title of the 2008 season.

 

Pete Rojek has probably been around the mission longer than anyone else still active. His first GMA campaign was in 1993….some guys in the league today hadn’t even popped their cherries by that year. In fact, our low net Champion, Mike “The Kid” Ryan (more about him in a minute) this weekend was only 4 years old that year!! Pete actually had a child about that same age in 1993….life can be weird. Pete is a career Grocery industry guy, having spent over 32 years at Wakefern and A&P. He’s now with a smaller grocery company as Chief Compliance Officer. I guess that means he complies better than anyone else at his company. As Pete said, that didn’t help his marriage which he is proud to say he brought to a close after 30 years without the help of “blood-sucking lawyers”. No offense to Christopher Leon, but Pete said he was pretty good at getting screwed by himself…he didn’t need to pay someone $400 an hour to do it. Which brings us back to Heidi Fleiss again….but she was NOT Pete’s partner at Grossingers…it was the incomparable bad-ass Willie, our Mission Player of the Year twice the past five years…Bill “The Plumber” LaRiccia. While we’re all accustomed to the excellence Willie consistently shows, Pete clearly carried much of the day at the Open. The dazzling 62 the pair put together to win the Team Net title included 9 strokes that were contributed by Pete…over and above the score posted by Bill…How the hell do you contribute 9 strokes more than Bill’s net round?…and LaRiccia shot his usual solid round!! Great job Pete. Bet Baron’s Boys misses you now!

 

So when Pete isn’t out chasing down skirts in his new-found freedom, or renting Harley’s for road trips (not the thing a married guy does anyway), or spending time with his four kids and four grandchildren---with whom he claims he still plays waffle ball---he still can kick arse in the GMA. The Open was Pete’s 5th major title…and I am told he is STILL the only player to go undefeated in a season…with about 15 matches a while back. He says he still hasn’t won an MGA…and he has his sights now set on Architects!!!

 

Meanwhile, our 19 year old wunderkind, Mike Ryan almost took the Net and Gross bookends for the once-fearsome NUNI crew.   Now the Feeble Empire has lost some of its sneer…and seems to be reliant on a Kid, who is actually Mike Barbarise’s nephew, for their stellar performances. The Kid has a fluid golf swing, makes all the shots in the books…and has a face that belongs to a skate-board Rat. I don’t think he shaves yet… though his uncle has taught him to cuss pretty well. He has a way to go to catch up to teammate and NUNI Captain Steve Santo whose booming expletive could be heard over five holes at one point in the round, but he’s got a lot of years to make up ground.

 

The Kid took up golf at 14 and said he learned everything from his uncle…Mike Barbarise. Talk about the student blowing by the teacher!!  He is a parochial school product all the way…high school…and even College at Cabrini, where as a freshman, his team won the PAC conference Golf title and he made 2nd Team, All Pennsylvania Athletic Conference. He shot a final round 73 in the conference tournament and was “gang-tackled” by the team after sewing up the victory. His average for the year was 76.1 (check the Cabrini Athletics web site)…so the 8 handicap won’t last here. And did you know that The Kid has a TWIN sister…who plays varsity softball at the University of Michigan? I wonder who the looker is in that family?

 

Mike and his uncle, the one with the unstylish long curly hair, were teammates for this event…and they played well enough to finish just one stroke off the pace set by Rojek and LaRiccia. Their Team Net 63 included two net eagles (both on Par 4’s) and four net birdies, ALL of which were carded by the nephew side of the team. But where The Kid went off the course, Uncle Mike was there to bring Ham to the Egg…bringing Pars to the card three times.  The Kid’s 37-38-75 net 68 earned him a well-deserved trip to Mr. Simon’s chop shop, where 3 strokes were circumcised from his bloated phallus of a handicap. I have the feeling that, even with that Bris performed…it won’t keep The Kid from the top of many events to come in The Mission.

 

The Money Shot has been having a plague lately…of under-manned events. After galloping to the front of the pack in the standings early in the season like Big Brown, they have been reigned in like jockey Des Ormeaux did with BB at the Belmont---because their horses have stopped showing up. It got so desperate, Captain Shoeless Jim Heyl had to make a last minute call for a substitute and pleaded with Will Grecco to cancel his “Baking without Flour” class and come play the Open. Reluctantly, Will put away the apron and donned his spikes…blitzing through the Route 117 gauntlet…only to be made a dreaded Dead Man on arrival. Good move…he went out and shot a 3 over par 36-38-74 to take the Gross crown and his first major title. He and teammate Daniel Tripp scuttled the usually-reliable team of Santo and Kennedy  and left the NUNI team wondering if they needed more 19 year olds. Congrats, Will…great job all around. Drink from the Cup…you are a Major Champion.

 

The song from “Dirty Dancing” won the Academy Award in 1987 for Best Original Song. “The Time of My Life” has been the theme of countless Proms and reunions since it came out. And now that we’ve left “Kellerman’s” behind in the echoes of another Catskill summer, it’s great to realize that through the GMA and our “Dirty Golfing”, we can still have The Time of Our Life each tournament…you never know who’s going to rise to the top…whether you’re A Kid….or one of the Old Men of the League. Keep Swinging….you never know!

 

 

May 5, 2008: 15th Annual LaValley Member Guest @ Ballyowen

 

English Boy Lane defeats EyeChart on Rollback of 73’s…

Junior Ryan rekindles NUNI Fame & Fortune…

Senator Bob Take B-Flight Title as Dead Man…

 

STAFF WRITER Joe Postorino

 

(HAMBURG, NJ) - Is it just me or was any one else surprised to see this course back on the GMA schedule? How many of you were privy to the fact that management actually took the time to write a letter to Fearless Leader two years ago stating that we were the worst bunch of hooligans ever to grace the fine fairways of Ballyowen.  For those not in the know, apparently the actions of two members formed their consensus of opinion for the masses. One gent poured himself a beer, OUR BEER at that. Another member found it necessary to put his bare stinkin’ feet on a table in the dining room. I would have to agree with that one!  I know both the culprits, their names being kept from public scrutiny.

 

Anyway, during the dreadful golf flea market show each February off Route 287, Ballyowen maintains a table and I took it upon myself to approach management and ask them who the F they thought they were to write a letter to CL complaining about the GMA as a whole, based on the actions of but a few. Apparently, I must have made an impression because it does appear that the kiss and make up factor is in force. I really never thought that these ass holes would ever see us again. Several points remain to be pondered as follows is there any reason why this course should cost us $118, on a weekday????  I have played many a finer course for less on a weekend. And the main question remain is there any sound reason why this course remains cart path only.  CUT A PATH THROUGH THE FESCUE!!! I can think of no better way to add 30-45 minutes to a round than to have a course with fairways that can be 100 yards wide, with fescue on both sides and enforce a cart path only rule. I don’t know the stats but I would bet that the last group probably finished in 5:45 or so. Take this course and shove it.

 

Low Gross – Christopher Lane aka “The English Boy” 37-36-73

 

Has anybody noticed that there has been a prominent changing of the GMA low gross guard starting last season with John Garland being named GMA 2007 Rookie of the Year? You have already seen Mikey “Eye Chart” of AGB fame take two low gross titles this year. Glenn Morello has made an appearance at the first event……where oh where is Kennedy, Cerretto and LaRiccia.  Well gents and lassies, I give you the latest young stud to help change the guard, Mr. Christopher Lane!!!

 

 

Mr. Lane is an interesting character, equally as adept with a club in his hand as he is with a camera in front of his eye.  For you see, Mr. Lane is a professional photographer………so professional that he already knows that he will not be able to make this year’s playoffs because he is shooting the wedding of one of the big wigs at the Golf Channel. He is not asking for cash……just a 10 minute meeting with Natalie Gulbis for his compensation!

 

This is Chris’s 3rd year on the GMA tour and this represents his first low gross win. It was the round of his life and one that could have been even lower as birdies on 5, 10, 17 and a 35 foot putt for birdie on 18, regrettably offset by bogeys on 1, 4, 12, 15 and 16. The interesting fact is that Chris reports that all of his birdies came after poor drives while some but not all of his bogeys came from the fairway!

 

Here is where it gets interesting and speaks of the depth and strength of the GMA Low Gross contingent for 2008.  As some know, John Garland has recruited more than a few fine players from Staten Island with Mikey “Eye Chart” being one of them.  How many times in GMA history have two players turned in rounds of 1 over par with the decision coming down to match of cards on a 1 over gross score???  I would have to say few, if any.  “Eye Chart” loss on the match of cards.

 

I suspect the Internationals will soon be returning to last season’s form based on the motivation provided by this victory……….only time will tell.

 

A Flight Low Net – Mike Ryan – 30-34-64

 

At first, I wanted to cry FOUL……..DQ……..RINGER…………SANDBAGGER!!!!

I did not recognize the name and figured that Nuni, in their desperate attempt to regain a form long lost, brought in a ringer guest in an attempt to earn some much needed points. I mean…..come on……let’s get real..How many of us go off as an 11 handicap and shoot 3 over

Gross 75, net 64. That’ Bulllllllllll Cocky!  Fear not fellow members!!!  There was no attempt at a fix by these former champions, that status a distant memory. It was just a perfect day for Mr. Ryan in his 2nd GMA season with Nuni. Actually, he took all of last year off and came back in 08 so he has been known to the league for quite some time.

 

You might be interested in knowing that this is not Mike’s career low…….which is 73 from a round some time ago. So the talent and potential were obviously his to do with as he pleased.

The round consisted of three birdies plus an eagle on the downhill, dog leg left, par 5 10th hole.

The score resulted from steady play….fairways and greens, with not much flare other than for the eagle on 10.

 

Mike reports that his normal rounds are in the low 80’s so this round at Ballyowen was one for the ages not soon to be forgotten!

 

 B Flight Low Net – Senator Bob Haines 34-33-67

 

You’re gonna love this!!!!  Bob is the captain of Winning Links…..probably better known as Whining Links after this blunder!!!!! Ready for this????? He is the captain of the team and this is his first round of the year. He is too busy right now and will not join the GMA full speed ahead until Ocean City.  He has NOT played a round of golf since last OCTOBER………THAT IS SEVEN, AS IN 7, MONTHS!!!!  So what does he do you ask???  He sits himself, goes out and shots a mighty fine net 67 and leaves four big points on the table………three for the individual win….one for the match………and has nothing to show for his fine effort.  Don’t ya just love this game????

 

 

April 26-27, 2008: 21st Annual Masters @ Scotland Run

 

Want to be a REAL Player? Better up your game…and get an “Alpha’ lifestyle: Green Jackets at the Masters for Low Gross winner “Eye Chart”, Low Net winner Mendolia and Team Champions “The Dave’s”

 

BY STAFF WRITER  Jack Callahan

 

(Williamstown, NJ: April 27, 2008) – The GMA can largely be divided into two classes of Players: Alpha Males…and wannabe’s. No one else can survive the culture. Most of those who play at least 20 matches per year have either proved worthy of their Scarlett “A”…or are striving for it. You can tell them a mile away. Kind of car (phallic symbol) they drive; the latest weapons in the golf bag (Big Tools); the swagger…the talk. The “put-downs”. Alpha Males favorite kind of movie: “There Will Be Blood”. Song?: “My Way”. Love Song?: “The Lady is a Tramp”. When asked at the carwash what scent they want sprayed inside, they answer “Testosterone”. Only Alpha Males and die-hard wannabe’s leave the wife, kids, lover, mistress, domestic partner and job duties behind week after week in search of the Holy Grail: their score in red ink on the leader board.

 

You can’t be an Alpha Male if you aren’t near the top of the “Stats” page as the season goes on. And you hardly have a chance to be one of the statistical leaders…if you don’t play 20 or more rounds…and what’s the point in being an Alpha Male if you aren’t obsessed with winning…and domination? That’s hardwired into the Alpha’s DNA. As Alex Baldwin in his signature Alpha Male role said in “Glengarry Glen Ross”, ‘Losing is for losers’. Some weak-skinned wannabes don’t even come into the clubhouse after a losing round…straight to the car…screw the beer…drive home, a mixture of vituperative anger and haunting missed opportunities. A shank here, a bad bounce there is the difference between winning and losing each week. Playing perfect for 14 holes a round doesn’t get it done. Back to the driving range…let the paint peel off the house. Can’t have the swagger…the “attitude”, the cock-sure, almost bellicose demeanor in the post-round bar…without at LEAST a match victory. Making the Top Ten?…that adds to the pheromone ooze. Finish at the Top?…your score in Red on the leader board?…You ARE the Alpha Male of the pack…and no one can pee on your turf…for at least that week. Win a major? Win the coveted GREEN JACKET?…you achieve Alpha Stud status. Conan. Achilles. 007. And the newest members of the elite list: Pzszcola…Kolkka …Lumberger…Mendolia.

 

The Masters this year was played at Scotland Run in Williamstown, NJ for the first time. Lot of us couldn’t figure out why our venue for the past couple years, gorgeous Beechtree in Aberdeen, MD was dropped. Shorter drive with expensive gas, maybe? Anyhow, we had pretty good conditions and being in close proximity to Atlantic City provided the Players with the Alpha Male’s second-favorite way to blow off tension between rounds: the green felt. And our eventual winners went heavy in that direction.

 

The genius in being a Captain in this league…is knowing who to pair up and who to “point” in any given event. Any arsehole can wear the “C”…but getting the pairings and pointers right can make a huge difference every week for those teams with a full roster of Alpha’s dying to do meaningful battle. Who would have thought that our Green Jacket low net team this year would be a pair of 21 handicappers…who overachieved? Long-time GMA fixture DAVE KOLKKA, and teammate DAVE LUMBERGER rose to the occasion, charging to a one-stroke victory over the two-day event by posting a team net 29 on Sunday for a final score of 126, edging out Tommy Kopec and Carmine Mandato.

 

Kolkka, a native of Oakland, NJ is a William Paterson alum. He is the Director of Procurement for Ann Taylor stores…which explains his wardrobe each week. Dave is into the Plus sizes, I’m sure. Dave makes sure all the materials for the new-store build-outs are in the right place at the right time. Better watch out Davey…the web site said the company is CLOSING 117 of the 921 stores this year…and under the “CAREERS” tab, there is an opening for “Manager of Procurement Strategy”…you been out playing too much golf? Stay in touch with your boss, man.

 

Davey said that he and “Lumpy” (how’d you like that nickname?) lost their match to Carmine and Tommy K on day one…and were four strokes behind them, as the leaders, going into day two. Even with a net 66, there were several other teams ahead of them, so they knew they had to play lights out on Sunday. So Dave decided to go into AC and hit the casino Saturday night---typical Alpha Male behavior. Now as most Players know, different games have different odds of winning. In fact, according to “the book”at Fastodds.com, the house advantage for some selected games include the following:

Craps:                  0.6%

Blackjack:            0.8%

PaiGow poker:    2.5%

Roulette (00): 5.6%

Keno:                    25%

 

Only jackasses play Keno. Omega-Males. She-males. Craps takes too much time and relies totally on how the dice spin. Not Alpha-male worthy. Blackjack is a game where the Alpha-Player THINKS he has a strategy…and the odds are the best in the house. That’s the Alpha’s game. And that’s where our hero spent several hours…going down early…but hit a straight flush and a mini Royal Flush that put him $500 ahead…BIG Androgen flow and scent…and an omen for Sunday.

 

The Dave’s said they needed a match win Sunday to keep from going home empty-handed, a horrible fate for Alpha’s…so they focused on winning. They had a solid front nine on Sunday and the match was close…and they caught fire on the back. They didn’t have a team net bogey until after the match ended on 15. And that pissed them off. Let up? NO WAY…so they saw a great opportunity as they were both getting 2 strokes on both 17 and 18 (oh, God, those high handicappers!!)…and they proceeded to par-net eagle BOTH of them, for a net 29 on the back. That was good enough for twin green jackets…and the Ultimate Alpha status.

 

Meanwhile, back in Atlantic City, our only “0” handicap player in the league was doing what he does best…PARTYING. Mike Eye Chart (aka Pszczola…which he says is simply pronounced “Pizzola”….so why all the letters?) had shot a 75 on day one. Now this is a score that most of us would die for. For Mike…it was a major disappointment. Here’s a guy who is a process-server for a living…he works for lawyers whenever the spirit moves him…or some scumbag has to be hit with a subpoena. He gets the one’s that are likely to be found in casinos or on golf courses, no doubt.

 

Mike is just 23 and has aspirations of getting his PGA card someday. Couldn’t be soon enough for anyone who’s not an AGB!! (kidding, Mike!!). He’s lived in Staten Island since he was four, across the street from a Golf Course. His grandfather spent lots of time with him and would sneak out on the driving range and hit balls all day and night. His grandfather taught him a lot about the game. MY grandfather taught me NOT to walk between him and the TV set…and what happens to your teeth if you don’t see a dentist your whole life.  Mike has never had a lesson in his life…and went to “college” at the Golf Academy of the Carolina’s in Myrtle Beach for two years. “All I did was party and play golf…and went to class sometimes”. He did manage to graduate. Meanwhile, this author spent 10 years in undergraduate and graduate schools…and can’t play golf worth a damn. This guy is now my idol!

 

So after the Saturday 75 at Scotland Run, Mike headed into AC. I don’t want to say Mike is professional gambler, but he was comped a suite at the Tropicana that night, did a lot gambling and “partying with girls”…which is an unfamiliar notion to the rest of the Alpha-Class members of the GMA. We tend to “party with boys” while on these road trips. Who’s doin’ it right? Anyhow, Mike says he wound up with a colossal headache and hangover for the Sunday match…and had a hard time seeing down the 1st fairway. That explains the 3 under 32 he shot on the front. WHAT THE HELL WOULD HE HAVE SHOT IF HE FELT GOOD? But the fatigue caught up with him on the back and he could only manage a 39…for an even par 71 round…and a 146 total for the tournament. He blew away the field by 8 strokes over runner up Richie Cupparo, who probably had a CAREER tournament…and nothing to show for it. Have a good cigar, Richie…any other year, you’re into a Green Jacket!.

 

Mikes tip: go for everything. No such thing as “safe golf”. Wonder if he feels the same way about sex? Mike says he loves playing in the league, even if we are all pretty lame as golfers. He has a twin brother who is also a good golfer…and it just so happens we have one roster opening on The Slicers, so Eye Chart…send his phone number over.

 

Meanwhile Joe Who? (aka Mendolia) quietly put together the winning numbers for the Low Net Champion. This is the TRUE winner, in my book…playing the net game, mano-a-mano against all the other cappers in this league, over 36 holes. And he did it like the true Alpha-Player, coming from an amazing 7-strokes back after round one. And with Judge Kennedy as the leader, what would be the odds someone this far back could overcome it? I guess Bobby didn’t raise enough hell and get a big enough headache Saturday night.

 

Joe Who, the unknown member of the illustrious Pit Crew team, didn’t take up golf until 10 years ago when he was 48 years old. He was too busy playing racquetball and working for JP Morgan Chase, where he has been for 23 years. He’s the guy who handles the relocation of their corporate data centers---how often does that happen, anyway?  Joe says he’s likes to practice before work, at lunch or even play 9 after work as often as he can. So how the hell is he a 12 handicap? He says his USGA is a 7 and is embarrassed that he has earned so bloated a cap here. He said he and partner Rich Schroeder both had “poor rounds” in losing their Saturday match to Joe Sharples and Terry Goddard, so had low expectations on Sunday. He was matched against NUNI stalwart Jerry Streim so he felt motivated to play well. And well he did. Joe said the key for him was parring the holes he got strokes on…most of which Jerry parred as well. He birdied three holes, winning all of them, on holes 3, 7 and 14. His biggest thrill was clearing the airplane and onto the fairway on 16…he knew the match was in hand at that point. He went on to post a gross 77, net 65, his best round ever in the mission. And a trip to Steve Simon’s barber shop, no doubt….get things a little closer to the USGA cap! His biggest challenge left?  Where the hell he can wear the Green Jacket and not be laughed at….like the rest of us!!

 

Congratulations to all the winners…See you all at the Green Jacket Dinner next year!

 

And so the newly-crowned Alpha Dogs and Green Jackets have now faded into the pages of history. New Alpha Males have since emerged: Mike Ryan at Ballyowen….Daniel Tripp at Twisted Dune…and Kevin Kelly at Architects Club. The scent of pheromones continuing to flow free….so who’s next? With the OC 54 coming up, there are sure to be some strong Alpha-scents being given off at the Francis Scott Key…Who’s gonna mark off the Ocean City turf…as their own?

 

 

April 21, 2008: 16th Annual Pigskin Classic @ Stanton Ridge

 

16th PIGSKIN AT STANTON RIDGE

 

STAFF WRITER Tom Redburn

 

WHITEHOUSE STATION, N.J. -- The best two-man teams usually consist of a low handicapper and a higher one. Somebody steady who rarely blows a hole with somebody more erratic but capable of stringing together a bunch of net birdies. It doesn't always work out that way but more times than not, the GMA team trophy goes home with a couple of guys who fit that description. For the latest case in point, look no further than John Garland, the cigar-smoking, gravel-voiced sophomore star of Baron's Boys, who currently plays to a 5, and John Steininger, another second year player for the BB's who happens to hit it lefty style and carries a 17 handicap.

 

The two Johns mastered Stanton Ridge's challenged layout and fast greens as if they were members of the private club. Starting on the 7th hole, Lefty John set the tone for the day with two pars on their opening holes, a par 3 and a par 5, for net birdies. He had the usual hiccups for bogey golfer, carding a triple bogey on the par 3 12th and a couple of doubles on two of the toughest holes.

 

But in true matched set fashion, Caveman John came through just about every time Lefty faltered. Both guys played very well, with Garland shooting a 78 for a net 73 and Steininger a very strong 85, for a net 68 that also proved good enough to win the individual net crown as well. Lefty claims he had "a terrible putting day, burning the cup time after time." Well, maybe. But it sure looked good to the rest of us. The overall result by the two was a near flawless team effort, with only one net bogey for the day. Together, they carded a net 29 on the front, net 32 on the back.

 

Ever wonder why the same teams seem to rise to the top year after year? Perhaps because they keep adding cream to the mixture by recruiting the best new players. John Garland, the Stanton Island sensation and rookie of the year in 2007, is clearly going to be a lot more than a one-hit wonder.

 

John Steininger, who lives in Wayne and is a supply chain manager for a drug company, was spotted by the Baron last year when he showed up at the recruiting session. Lefty lost his first five matches last year, but he has emerged into his own as he grew accustomed to the competition. And he had to get used to the tougher layouts: his usual game is an early morning foursome at Passaic County.

 

Now here's a trivia question for you: how old is George Wallace? Turns out, his dad Jim told me at Twisted Dune, that the voluble, irascible, outgoing captain of the Rat Pack doesn't like to admit his age. I won't reveal it here, but let's just say that George won't have any trouble breaking into his retirement funds to help pay his kids' college bills without worrying about any tax penalties. George is one of the best-known personalities on the Mission tour, wearing his heart on his sleeve and always ready with a quip or a complaint. He's also a terrific player, who consistently wins his matches under tough conditions and seems to know just when to dispirit his opponent with a long, difficult putt at a crucial point in the match. I can testify personally to that.

 

But until Stanton Ridge, he has never won the grand prize, a low gross title, which brings with it a lifetime asterisk next to his name. "I've been a bridesmaid at least three or four times," George told me a few days after the round. "I was the Phil Michelson of the league, the best player without an asterisk. I just couldn't close the deal." No longer. George started with a birdie on #9. After double bogies on the relatively easy #11 ("I hit it out of bounds on the tee shot") and #12 ("over the green there"), his third and fourth holes, and a bogey on #13, George settled down into an incredibly steady rhythm. He ran off a string of 6 pars, bogeyed the tough par 4 #2, and then went par, par, birdie, par, par, par to end the day with a one-under par 35 for the front nine, five-over 40 on the back.

 

"Stanton Ridge was in the best condition we've ever seen it," George noted, which was the result of Craig scheduling it a little later, right after the club's own opening tournament. After coming so close so many times, George, a firefighter for the city of Plainfield, says that his breakthrough victory felt "a little anti-climatic." That didn't stop George from crowing a bit about it, particularly to his playing partner, Craig Skawinski, who has several low gross titles to his name. As he should over the years, I've been second a couple of times myself and I know how much I'd love to have won one of those and how much I kicked myself for the one or two shots that could have made all the difference.

 

George can stop kicking himself. But I think he may have gone too far when he threw into our conversation an unexpected description of himself. "I'm humble," he said. From everything I know, "Humble George" has many great qualities both on and off the golf course. But humble he is not.

 

April 19, 2008: 10th Annual Moonshine Open Big  @ Black Bear

 

AGB’s Bearse & Pszczola Dominate Scramble at Black Bear…

 

STAFF WRITER Joe Postorino

 

(FRANKLIN, NJ) - I got to tell you that I was very surprised to see Black Bear on the schedule this year. Although I had only played this track once before, I recalled even back then that the course was not in the best of shape and I do hang with a few gents who live in the area and play the track and they advised me that it really fell on hard times over the last few summers. In addition, they should charge an additional $10 per player for pro shop credits. I would think by then they could afford to buy some yardage markers of some kind for this course.

 

I think the overall condition of this course is pretty self-evident just by looking at the greens that we had to putt on. Considering that fresh spring greens are usually in the best of shape for the entire year, I can see GB loosing more than a few greens when summer’s heat sets in. Putting it mildly they were pretty crappy. One other shock. Where the hell does a golf course in NJ with no fame to it’s name get off charging a customer $10.50 for a friggin’ Johnny Walker Red???  For another fifteen dollars I can buy the entire bottle at Bayway Liquors!!!!

 

The cigars offered by Tom DelleTorrre of Nyack Tobacco Company was a very nice touch. The stogies were so much better than the rolled up cardboard from J&R that CL offers us each event! I’m sure they were enjoyed by Mr. Garland….almost never seen without a stoggy hanging from his mouth!  The GMA wishes Tom all the best with his new business.

 

The competition of April 19th at Black Bear featured an early season scramble in it’s normal formant as opposed to the modified Pinehurst first introduced by CL at Highbridge Hills. It does appear that there are more than a few GMA members who don’t fancy this format as the field hand only 21 groups, about 4-5 groups below the usual GMA average. For those not familiar with the process, you and your partner just play the better positioned ball after both hit a T shot and you continue on taking whacks at the ball from the best position until the ball hit’s the bottom of the cup. This format, when played as a foursome in outings, usually leads to some ridiculous scores and once I played in a scramble where the winning score was 17 under par GROSS!!!!! 

 

Well , a 61 net score does not match that feat but it was close enough to it for the sake of AGB duo Walter Bearse and GMA Rookie Mike Pszcola! Their 65 Gross was SIX under par and their 61 Net was TEN under par. Not to shabby on this demanding but fair layout. They also achieved something uncommon in the GMA…… the same team capturing team low net honors in consecutive weeks.  Could this be the start of a Tiger like streak???? One can only hope!  OK, I am prejudice and truth be told,  I too am an AGB and CL should have never asked me to write this news letter!!! And let it be know now as it is always asked……..it stands for ASSHOLE GOLF BUDDIES…..a name bestowed upon us by the WIFE of one of our members!!!!

 

I have already typed Pszczola’s name two or three times……and I get finger twisted every time I try to do it. I type 60 words per minute but when I get to his name, I crawl to a halt so from now on I will refer to him as Mikey P…….. just to piss off the Baron, who‘s team is floundering so far this year. But believe you me, even a blind man can tell the differences in the quality of the games of Mikey P and the Baron just by listening to the sound of the ball as it makes contact with the club face!!!  So please, don’t anyone confuse the new Mikey P with the Baron! I guess once the Baron reads this, he is going to ask CL to match him against yours truly!

 

Mickey P was brought to the league and the AGB’s by last year’s Rookie of the Year, John Garland of Baron’s Boys fame. John and Mickey P are members of the Staten Island Golfing elite, a handful of Staten Island armatures who have made a name for themselves with the quality of their games as the play the Staten Island interclub events, the New York City Amateur and the long running Staten Island Amateur conducted at Richmond County Country Club each year. Mickey P spent two years at a golf school in Myrtle Beach and the results have already provided Mickey P with his first two pieces of GMA hardware, a Gorilla Award for a long poke at Sea View and the hardware for the Pigskin Classic! I have a feeling that Mickey P is going to have many paper weights by the end of the season!

 

Let me tell you something about the low GMA round of 2008, as detailed by Walter Bearse during the post round interview!  Mike’s distance off the tee and Walter’s putter were key in the latest AGB march to victory via his hot putting on the back nine where he made four birdies putts in a row with Mickey P never once having to touch his blade!

 

They stared out birdie, birdie followed by a bogey on the #1 HC hole and they par out the rest of the outward nine. Nothing much going on here and it seems like just another day at the links!  But then the fun starts on the back and Walter’s putter catches fire and Mickey P starts bombing them even longer!   They par 10 and then go on a birdie rampage the likes of which few have seen before with birdies on 11, 12, 13.….par 14, a lip out for an eagle from 10 feet on 15, and birdies on 16 an 17 and a par on 18.  So to sum up, that‘s 6 under on the back before the application of any handicap strokes!!!

 

Here’s s few examples of how far Mickey P can hit a golf ball!  The 15th hole is a 528 yard par five.  A stroll out to the ball after his T shot found the ball just inches from the 200 yard marker.  Figuring this out without use of a calculator or fingers……this means that Mickey P whacked his T ball at least 328 yards!  I don‘t recall the hole number but you remember that short par 4 on the back where you are hitting from a very elevated tee with a slight dog leg to the right?   How about 3 wood off the tee and the sound of the ball landing pin high right as we are putting out on the green!!!!

 

Did anybody test this dude for HGH before letting him into the mission???  If CL ever thinks about starting random drug testing on the GMA tour, I vote that Mickey P be given the first pee cup! I have a feeling that we will be seeing a lot more of Mickey P aka Mike Pszczola on the GMA leader board this season! I predict Rookie of the Year honors if he plays enough events!

 

April 5, 2008: 2007 Big Blue Classic @  Seaview

 

The Big D Leads the Money Shot’s Bookends Attack…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(Galloway Township, NJ) – If only one lesson is to be learned from this year’s 12th Annual Big Blue Classic at the Seaview Resort & Spa, it should be noted for the record that weather forecasts are very crude estimates, at best. I believe that we have a conspiracy brewing somewhere here. Could it be that the folks who predict the weather are seriously invested in retail shopping malls, and casinos, and their aim is to keep people from making outdoors plans that would keep them away from their businesses? Their track record is not good, and once again, over and over, they blow the call. Long 5-day plus forecasts are truly horseshit, and I believe their sole purpose is to prevent your fat lazy ass from channel surfing with your remote, so that you will watch their sponsor’s promote the latest pill that will cure your heartburn, although it’s side affects, may destroy your liver, and cause your penis to fall off. The forecast for Saturday, April 5, was very gloomy and bleak, however, it turned out to be a warm, sunny beautiful day. It was a great day to be outdoors, and I recall feeling good and wondering if Old Man Winter was calling it quits, as I rode by their tennis courts and noticed many players swatting tennis balls, and wearing shorts. Warm weather is good thing.

 

In life you win some, and you lose some. On the weather angle we won. On playing conditions we lost. GM, our Top Scout, played the course on Wednesday, and was the first bearer of bad news. We posted the difficulties on the tee time link, and called their general manager with concerns, and GM recalled afterwards that Saturday’s conditions certainly exceeded Wednesday’s. The course had been aerated three weeks back, and had not healed. I was told they were in the process of making lots of repairs, and were trying to get the course in good shape for the weekend. The comments on the scorecards were so negative, that a return trip in early spring of 2009 is very doubtful. The following is a small sample of the most passionate critiques: “The Greens Keeper should be drawn and quartered. There is more bare ground here than a batter’s box.” “I want my money back for this sh*t.” “Cancel it. Course not fit to host this event.” “Rubbish!”  The Caveman, Johnny Garland, suggested, “Yank it, and re-schedule inland to avoid the strong winds coming off the Bay.” That suggestion seems pretty sound, and has made it to the 2009 Improvement List.

 

In the early afternoon, when I first became aware that Mark Donoghue, a.k.a. “The Big D” posted a 38-39-77, I figured that output might take home the Low Gross Title considering the numerous comments about bumpy greens, and scorched earth rough. A 77 in mid-season under quality conditions, has very slim prospects for even a Top 3 Low Gross Finish, but these were different circumstances. In addition, the big low gross guns of the Mission, seemed to have peaked out in 2006, and this factor, also, played into thinking that the Big D may capture the Big Blue. He would tee off early on this morning in Group No. 5, at 9:10am, and as he left homeward bound with more than half the field still on the course, he was eyeing the hardware he had a bone for, the Bronze Golfer.

 

Mr. Donoghue who just turned 30 last June, was recruited into the league by one of his Wall Street buds, Daniel Penza, of The Money Shot in 2006, and this marks his third season on the GMA Tour. Like many green horns coming into the league he struggled in his first two seasons, and was often pressing the Handicap Chairman with his case for additional strokes. In 2006, he was a resident of Rhode Island attending Grad School in New York I believe for an MBA, and he managed to play in 11 Tours and posted a Gross Average of 88.1, without any Top 3 Finishes. In 2007, he would play in 15 Regular Season Tours, and would bring that Adjusted Gross Average down to 82.2, which ranked him No.19th in the league. He got game somewhere near the end of last season, and exploded onto the scene, and was the driving force of The Money Shot, catapulting them into their first Post Season appearance. He was red hot in the Post Season, and tournament tough. At the Bethlehem Semi Finals last year, I saw a guy who embraced and excelled under pressure somewhat akin to the great Dom Cerreto. Quite frankly Mr. Donoghue’s beginnings are very reminiscent of the Glenn Morello story, and his rise to power in the league. Mr. Morello struggled through nearly two season’s before he shined. The “Big D” would crack his first Low Gross Title in last year’s final Regular Season Tour on October 6 at The 16th Annual Bay Park Financial Italian Open at Whitetail. It was a day when The Money Shot needed his services, and he delivered taking no prisoners, and posting a 37-36-73. Finally, in his 26th Regular Season Tour he he secures his first Low Gross Blood.

 

Hot from last season’s strong finish, Mr. Donough could not attend this year’s season opener at Sea Oaks. Suiting up for his first time this year at Seaview Pines, Mr. Donoghue picked up where he left off last year, and pounded both the net and gross fields with respective three, and two stroke victories. His net 34-36-70 over Joe Jarosiewicz was by a landslide three blows, which is very impressive, and doesn’t happen that often in net unflighted play. His gross 38-39-77 bested the perennial Bridesmaid and Runner Up Michael Gordon by two blows. In his last two consecutive Regular Season Tours he has come home with the purest, and most coveted awards, The Low Gross Title. Although I may be stepping ahead of myself, I truly believe that this young 30-year old buck, is hungry, and could easily be the new torch holder for the Low Gross contingency. The latest version of the Bermuda Triangle is not getting any younger, and their victories don’t taste as sweet as they once did as complacency takes it’s natural course and sets in. I believe the Mission may have a new Sheriff in Town, and he goes by the alias of “Big D.”

 

 

March 29, 2008: 2007 Polar Bear Open  @ Sea Oaks

 

THE MAILBOX LEADS LAKESIDE RB’s TO BOOKENDS VICTORY…

THE OLD MAN GRABS NUMBER 38…

 

STAFF WRITER CL

 

(LITTLE EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, NJ) – Flashback to March 23rd 1991, the Inaugural Polar Bear Open at Cream Ridge Golf Club. That was a rainy miserable, punishing day, back in time when Gortex wasn’t in vogue. In the good old days, you wore heavy corduroys and long johns on days like these. It was freaking cold, it was windy as hell, and we had the Registration Area set up outdoors under a large canopy. Papers were flying everywhere, and drenched rats were dropping out at the turn like flies. We pulled the plug, and converted it to a 9-hole tournament. That’s how the Polar Bear Open started, many moons ago. This year’s 18th Annual Polar Bear Open presented low temps at the beginning, but about two hours into the starting times, the sun would break into play and shine, and it turned out to be a rather fair day as Polar Bear Opens go. Carmine “The Calzone” Mandato, a member of the Newark Bears, and our Calcutta Wizard, would get the 23rd Season off to a start at 9:15am, with his opening drive.

 

Yes, the bombshell acquisition of the Year 2008 was now official. The league’s best team ever, The Evil Empire, a.k.a., NUNI, hears heart breaking news before the start of the year when their former Captain, Steve Palazzolo, who led them to three World Championships, and three Pennant Championships between 2001 and 2007, cancelled his membership. Mr. Palazzolo, the feisty Captain, and a four time World Champion, and the architect and spiritual leader of the NUNI dynasty will certainly be headed to the GMA Hall of Fame, and we will certainly miss him. The loss of Mr. Palazzolo from the NUNI roster left one veteran spot opening, and NUNI’s Captain Santo made history by recruiting the leagues most decorated gross player, and 37-time Low Gross Champion, Glenn Morello, a.k.a. “GM”. NUNI’s gain was Hogan’s Heroes loss. GM, had left the Heroes nest for finer pastures, and was lured into the darkness of the Evil Empire. Glenn Joseph Morello has done it all…Gross Titles, Net Titles, Gorilla Awards, etcetera, … but no World Championship Title. A few years back, the NUNI contingent taunted Mr. Morello, and coined him the name, “Ernest Banks” of the GMA. Ernie Banks was the 1970’s stand out of the Chicago Cubs who never played in the World Series. Yes, NUNI would ride Mr. Morello quoting that his resume was rather incomplete, and all that bantering may have paid off.

 

On Opening Day, Glenn Morello, a.k.a. “GM” was suiting up for the first time in the pin stripes of the Evil Empire, and was eager to impress his new mates. GM was coming off probably his worst season on the GMA Tour in 2007, where he managed only one Low Gross Title at Center Valley in eight GMA Tour appearances, and posted an Adjusted Gross Average of 80.0. It was a far cry from a time when he blossomed to greatness in 2001, a year in which he captured nine Low Gross Titles, posted an Adjusted Gross Average of 74.1 and thoroughly dominated gross play in the league. In 2007, attending to his youngster during the little league years would start to show signs of rust on the old man’s game. Yes, GM was looking closer at the competition these days, and was concerned about a new young buck in the league, Michael Pszczola. GM quoted that Mr. Pszczola, a 23 year old, Staten Island Player of the Year, with a plus cap, “Could out drive me by 40 to 50 yards from the tee!”

 

In the Polar Bear Open at Sea Oaks the old man, would impress his NUNI mates with his 38th Low Gross Title, and a match win, paired with his old mate, Ron Rand of the Hogan’s Heroes. Sea Oaks played tough in this years opener, as some pin placement were downright vicious, the greens were bumpy, and GM’s 39-41-80 was enough to claim the Low Gross Title over a field of 96 contestants. GM was followed in close pursuit by Runner Up, Mike Pszczola, 41-40-81, of the AGB’s and our 2007 Player of the Year, Nick Vasta, of The Slicers, who finished in the Show Position at 40-41-81. It was Mr. Vasta’s first recorded Top 3 Low Gross Finish.

 

For the first time that I can recall, first year green horn rookies secured the Team Championship and the Individual Low Net Title at this year’s Polar Bear. The Lakeville Road Boys fielded a two-man squad consisting of Larry “Mailbox” Arena, and Paulie “Shoes” Pomponio, both residents of Staten Island. Larry is a 37-year Chef who works a Saks Fifth Avenue in Manhatten, he is married, and his pride and joy is his 22-month old daughter Cassandra. He, also, can hit the ball a ton as witnessed by playing opponent Nick Vasta, and we anticipate him winning some Gorilla Titles in the near future. Larry’s Lakeville playing partner, Paul “Shoes” Pomponio is a shoe contractor in New York City, and the Lakeville Road Boys are a four-man team filled out by Sally Arena and LDR.

 

The long hitting Mailbox, and “Up and Down Shoes” put together a 32-31-63 with each man carrying a side.  They put together 3 birdies for net eagles, and two of them parlayed for cash in the birdie pool. Shoes birdies No. 2 to get things started, and Mailbox makes a 3 on 18 to seal the deal, a five footer that was either in, or 5-feet past the hole.  They almost threw it away by going double-triple, on 16 & 17, but the birdie on 18 picked up the lost ground and got them back in it.

 

The LRB's opened up their match against Slicer's Huck Finn and Hallway Vasta by going 7-up after 4 holes, and hung on to win it on 16. Although they got beaten like a child, Mr. Finn and Mr. Vasta took good care of these Rooks and broke them in with a lot of information and advice. The rookies were heavily recruited at the bar following the announcement of their win, by Christopher Leon Garibian, of the Hogan’s Heroes. Rumors abound that the Lakeville Road Boys are inclined to a team merger if they want to have a shot at the Post Season Show, since they don’t anticipate much support from Sal Arena and LDR.

 

The Mailbox captures bookends the Team Championship and the Low Net Title, 38-32-70, and Shoes finishes No. 5 in the Individual Net Finish Standings to capture three Polar Bears for the journey back to Staten Island. The LRB's open the season strong with 7 points and are atop the GMA Standings.  Paul “Shoes” Pomonio summarized it best,  "We had a great time and enjoyed the camaraderie of the club.  A real good bunch of guys from all walks of life, together for the common goal of competition, all made better by a few beers, stories, and laughs - It was a blast!"

     

 

October 27 & 28, 2007: 2007 GMA World Series  @ Sea Oaks

BENNY O’s INTERNATIONALS STOP THE EVIL EMPIRE

BY STAFF WRITER Jack Callahan

In Homer's great poem "The Odyssey," Odysseus had a tough time finding his way home to his palace in Ithaca after the Trojan War, what with all those monsters, dangerous whirlpools, Sirens and Lotus Eaters threatening to derail his journey. But Odysseus at least had the comfort of knowing that he had left a wise and trusted fellow named Mentor to be the guardian and teacher of his son, Telemachus, during his absence. Telemachus would grow to be wise and strong as a warrior, under the guidance of Mentor. That’s how the term “mentor” came to be in our lexicon…someone who guides, teaches and takes a genuine interest in your achievements.

But these days, “mentors” seem few and far between. And it seems the last thing a golfer wants is a mentor, offering advice on his game. There are probably far too many would-be mentors and not enough golfers, to tell the truth. But for two days of the GMA Finals at beautiful Sea Oaks Golf Club in Little Egg Harbor, NJ, one day marked by cool and wet drizzle, and the other by sun and warmth, the one thing that would seem to make all the difference on the team that would become the Champions…. would be their wise and calming Mentor…the one with the beard, the rimless glasses and the easy manner. One who everyone in league seemed to enjoy, despite his lack of command of the English language…it just made him more mysterious…and more compelling. He was the one who always calmed and encouraged, and, in the end, that may have made all the difference in bringing about the upset…that by Sunday afternoon, most everyone…save the defending champions…were hoping for.

DAY ONE: Saturday—The Doubles Team Matches

No. 1 NUNI vs. No. 15 Money Shot

The Money shot came into the World Series as about the hottest team in the league. The accumulated more than half their points in the final 10 events to slip into the Top 16 at the 15th spot, barley into the playoffs. A band of streaky, “in-your-face”, often self-indulgent types, the Money Shot entered the playoffs with a swagger and momentum. They blew through the wild card weekend with impressive match wins both days to earn their spot as the only team outside the Top 8 to make the final 8 team show. Their reward for rising from the ashes of the bottom of the standings: playing against perennial power and Black Force, NUNI, in their Finals matches.

If the Money Shot’s impressive wins in the Wild Card scared gave NUNI any anxious moments, it didn’t show on Saturday. While both MS teams struggled, NUNI came out blazing the Sea Oaks right where they left off in the previous year at Harbor Pines. The NUNI teams of Pete Murray/ Brian Ziemba (net 64) and Steve Santo/Mike Barbarise (net 66) coasted to easy 4&3 victories over the MS teams of Jim Heyl/ Will Grecco (net 74) and Dan Penza/Mark Donoghue (net 70), respectively. The combined team scores of 130 would give NUNI a six stroke lead over the 2nd place team and 11 strokes over the 3rd place team by days end.

No. 2 Baron’s Boys vs. No. 8 AGB’s

Baron’s Boys would also come away with two match wins as John Garland, who shot low gross for the day at 77, would team up with Dan Mulville to nip AGB’s Sgt. Major Ed Neas and Walter Bearse in a tight match. The BB team shot team 70 and the AGB’s team 71. In the other match, the BB husband/wife team of Gordon and Joanne Pirie redefined the meaning of “ham and egg” performance in a team match. While they shot 95 and 96 respectively, the shot a team score of 70!! Figure that one out. With a 10 two 9’s and two 8’s on their card, they won their match on 17…despite some husband/wife matrimonial moments on the tenth hole in which there was some debate over who wore the jock strap in the family. Baron’s combined team scores of 71-70=141 and two victories, BB was poised well, despite being a troubling 11 strokes behind NUNI. For the AGB’s, it would mean 3 or 4 victories in matches on Sunday to get into the winners bracket.

No. 3 Slicers vs. No. 7 Mission Impossible

The only teams that split their two matches on Saturday, The Slicers and MI engaged in the dogfight this set of matches was built up to be. The Slicer team of Capt. Con Finn and Kevin Kelly went all the way to the 18th hole to beat the MI team of Pete Barba and Steve Thompson. Down 5 points after just 3 holes and still down four after twelve holes, Conn and Kevin stayed close until the took the lead for the first time on the tough 18th hole as Kelly had a great net birdie to win the match. The Slicers scored a team net 73 and MI a team 75.

In the other match, Player of the Year candidate, Top Points Man, Low Net Champion of the regular season, and runner up in Kills for the regular season, “Hallway” Nicky Vasta teamed up with John Melucci against Bobby Martino and Bill Bailey. But the players struggled with the cold and wet and only Bill would break net 80. Bill and Bobby closed out the match on the 15th hole, turning in a team score of 70, for an MI team score for the day of 70-75=145, while Nick and John scored 75, giving the Slicers a 75-73=148, which would be good for last place on the day. A huge hole to climb out of, even with the matches even at 1-1 going into Sunday.

No. 4 the Internationals vs. No. 6 Iron Workers

In what was probably the most evenly matched teams of the Playoffs, the Internationals seemed to start the weekend at a disadvantage. Chris Lane, the No. 6 low gross player in the league, was unable to play in the Series due to a Dungeon’s and Dragons tournament…and he was scheduled to be the Pivot Man, or whatever it’s called. What a set of priorities on him! That meant that Dennis Urabe would be pressed into double duty for the weekend…he was scheduled for a root canal and vasectomy, it was rumored but he agreed to put them both off to play at beautiful Sea Oaks. In addition, Intl Captain Ben Ohtsu left most of his short-game clubs at home in his garage (what the hell were they doing out of his bag…..?  This is a weird team?). Ben patched together a combination of loaner clubs from Sea Oaks and a wedge he bought…and went straight to the tee box with this “strangers” in his bag. How did these circumstances hurt the team? We all know how it comes out!!

Dennis teamed up with John Ruvolo, taking on Ken Luthy and John Geddes of the Iron Workers in the first match.  It looked bad for IW early as they fell well behind on the front as Dennis shot a strong net 34. But Dennis faltered on the back nine just as Ben kicked in with his unfamiliar clubs. Luthy had a strong round and brought things to a tie on 17. But Dennis stepped up again on that difficult, narrow, uphill par 4 18th hole, with the treacherous slope and shelf on the green. Dennis got one of the few pars of the day on that hole and closed out the match win.

In the other match, the Fulchers' were no contest for “Oki” Hagiwara and Ben Ohtsu. The match was out of reach at the turn as Ben and Oki ran up a 9 pt. lead. The match closed out on 13…the earliest any match would end…and Ben/Oki scored a scintillating team 67, third place low for the day.

The Int’ls won both matches and had team score of 67-69=136, which would be good for second place at the end of day one. IW wound up at 72-70=142 and two losses. Big hole for Sunday.

Standings at the end of Day One:

1

NUNI

2-0

130

 

2

Internationals

2-0

136

-6

3

Barons Boys

2-0

141

-11

4

Iron Workers

0-2

141

-11

5

AGB's

0-2

142

-12

6

Money Shot

0-2

144

-14

7

Mission Impossible

1-1

145

-15

8

The Slicers

1-1

148

-18

Day Two: Sunday--Singles Matches

NUNI vs. The Money Shot---C and D matches

Needing a sweep of 4 matches to have any shot of getting into the winners bracket, MS had their back to the wall that bright, surprisingly warm Sunday morning. The NUNI lead, along with their lineup of top-flight players for the day’s matches hung like a pall at the clubhouse as the matches got under way. The NUNI swagger, which began again the night before at the clubhouse and fueled by some heated exchanges as the testosterone levels built up.

Jerry Streim, the reigning 2008 Club Champion after his performance at the Vineyard earlier was the first match against the MS Anthony Kaufman. Jerry, a tremendous clutch player, especially around the greens, fell 2 down after the first two holes, but got his groove and ended at 1 up at the turn as Kaufman went 7-8 to end the front.  But Anthony found his game and brought the match back to square on 10 took back the lead back on 14 with a birdie. He closed the match out on 17 and finished with a net 77, to Streim’s surprisingly-high 80.

In the second match between the teams, arch-rivals Brian Ziemba of NUNI and Jim Heyl of MS locked horns in what usually is a grudge match. Z opened with a birdie on the tough par 5 opening hole…and Heyl struggled to a 9. Can you hear the whining after that hole? But Jim kept his cool and was only two down after nine. But what little magic he had left him on the back nine, the match closing at 15, a very common ending point over the course of the two days. BZ carded a strong net 73 to continue NUNI’s strong list of scores…and further demoralizing those watching the scoreboard in the clubhouse. Heyl carded a disappointing net 80, adding to the MS woes as they fell to 0-3 in matches to NUNI…it seemed an impossible hill to come back from at that point. But as Michaels once said in 1980… “Do you believe in Miracles?” We’ll save the NUNI/MS A and B matches to the end…as it was the last group in…and the GMA title hung in the balance as they came up the fairway.

Slicers vs. Mission Impossible

In a matchup between Reverend Callahan and Bill Bailey, one of the hottest golfers in the GMA since his win at the Vineyard in the AA Club Championship flight, there was never more than a two up lead. Jack won the first hole as Bill struggled to get loose off the first tee and had a war with the fescue left of the first green…but Bill won the next three holes to go 2 up. Both players played even from there until the 11th hole when Bill lost a ball on a tee shot. The match went from there to the 17th tee with Bill still 1 up. The 17th is a LONG par four, into the wind with a narrow, long green. It’s the number one handicap hole…and the stroke Jack was getting would come in handy. He had to punch back to the fairway after a hooked tee shot JUST cleared the water…but the third shot approach stopped just six feet from the hole. Jack sunk the putt to square the match going to 18. Neither player could par the 18th, but both barely missed puts, Jacks sliding by an inch left, and Bill’s dying on the lip, dead center on line. A deserved halved match. Bill had net 78, Jack net 79.

Steve Bailey took on Pete Barba in the second match in a competition between ex-teammates in the GMA. Steve took a double on the first hole and the chase was on from there. Neither player would have their best day but they scrambled well. Pete built a 3 up lead that began to turn when Steve birdied the Par 5, 495 yard 10th hole. But he never got any closer until he squared the match on the aforementioned 17th hole. Steve had to chip out of the greenside woods on 18,  but Pete three putted and the match, too, was halved. Steve ended up net 76 and Pete net 77

Kevin Kelly battled Bobby “Crocodile” Martino in the third match. The usually-steady and competitive Croc just couldn’t get his game going, starting with a double on the first hole. By the time they finished nine, where Bobby took a 9, he was 5 down. The match ended on 14, as Kevin finished with a net 76…and Bobby a net 85. That left the matches at 3-2 Slicers with one to go.

The final match was the Slicer’s Mr. Everything, Nicky Vasta against Richie Seidel. The winner of this match would probably be the one in the winner’s bracket. Rich took the lead on #2 with a birdie and held it until the 9th hole when his tee shot went wild and he took an 8 to square the match. Then, it was Nick’s turn as he played his way to 2-up lead after 15. But Nick was unable to par any of the last three holes and he had to make a great chip from behind a mound to the sloping, shelfed green on 18 as Rich sat 35 feet away lying two. Nick’s chip forced Rich into a knee-knocker of a two-putt and the match, too, was halved. Thus, with one win and three halves, the Slicers were the only team that went undefeated on Sunday and entered the winner’s bracket

 

 

W-L-T

Sat

Sun A

B

C

D

Total

W

Slicers

2-1-3

148

76

76

79

76

455

L

Mission Impossible

1-2-3

145

77

78

78

85

463

Baron’s Boys vs. AGB’s

The Boys basically fell apart on Sunday after sweeping both matches Saturday. In the first match, Bobby Long crushed Tournament Sponsor Artie Moller as Artie just couldn’t find his arse with either hand. The match ended early, on 14, with Bobby posting a net 79 and Artie a net 87.

In the second match, BB Captain Mikie Palazzolo and The AGB’s Greg Haff both would card an even 100…but the two strokes that Greg was getting from Mike came in handy. Neither player could muster much of an advantage throughout the match and on the holes where Greg got a stroke, he cashed them in, closing Mike out on 17. Greg recorded a net 83 and Mike a net 85…and more important, this leveled the match at 2-2 between the teams. It was anybody’s game now.

In the third match, BB’s Doug Tarnopoul battled AGB’s ever-affable Walter Bearse. Doug came out Smokin’, not only getting birdie on the tough opening hole, but getting par-birdie-par after that, and was 5 up after just 6 holes. But rather than fold like the proverbial cheap tent, Wally sucked it up and prayed for Doug to fall apart. His wishes were largely granted…but Wally’s game kicked in a bit as well. The momentum shifted on 7 and by the time they got to the 13th tee box, the match was all square. On 15, Walt took the lead for the first time as Doug took a double, but a gift horse is something that Wally just couldn’t take…he coughed the lead back up on 16. Walt had a great par on the tough 17th to again take the lead, forcing Doug to make a desperate shot on 18…which found the ditch behind the green. Match over….and the AGB’s had taken the lead, 3-2 in matches…a nightmare for Mike…whose expletive could be heard throughout most of Ocean County. Walt’s net 75 and Doug’s net 78 left the overall match a “must-win” for BB, going into the last match.

And for that match, BB assigned it’s Ace, John Garland, the low gross average champion for the league in the regular season. His match was against the indomitable Sgt Major Ed Neas, who himself was runner up low net king and only one win short of the magic 20 kills for the season. But John was on his game and came through. His constant strong play forced Ed into many shots he wouldn’t have otherwise taken. While John was just 2 over par gross at the turn…but still only 3 up on Eddie. Ed played well on the back nine, with natural or net pars on the first five holes..but still had lost ground to John’s nearly flawless play. The match was dormie on the 15th tee…where so many matches ended this weekend…as it would in this one. Garland finished 76 net 72 and leveled the match to 3 wins apiece…but the AGB’s would go to the winner’s bracket on lower aggregate score. They had pulled off the seemingly impossible…from 0-2 Saturday against the No. 2 ranked team in the league…to the winner’s bracket by days end Sunday. Mikie P will NOT be happy all winter over this development!! Think he’ll be saying he should have played Pete Rojek?

 

 

W-L-T

Sat

Sun A

B

C

D

Total

W

AGB's

3-3

142

79

75

79

83

458

L

Baron's Boys

3-3

141

72

78

86

85

462

The Internationals vs. The Iron Workers

Already down in the match 2-0, the Iron Workers had to win 3 matches or all 4 to get to the winner’s bracket…a tall order against the steady Internationals lineup.

The first match was IW’s Charlie Smith against Intl’s John Ruvolo. This looked like a mismatch on paper, but paper is not where the game is played. As the day would prove. The two swapped winning holes over the first six keeping the match all square, but from there, JR seemed to just take over. Charlie uncharacteristically suffered a double and a triple to close the front nine and was 3 down at the turn. He fought back to win the par 5 10th hole, but something took place during that hole that seemed to set JR on fire. Some confrontation or disagreement involving Charlie’s playing partner Steve Simon (how could that be possible that Steve’s ‘pins and needles’ style conversation  would ever upset someone?). From there, JR won the next two holes with natural pars, plus strokes on Charlie…and that put the match in a place that Charlie couldn’t recover from. The match ended on….that’s right...the now-infamous 15th. JR wound up with a fine net 72 and Charlie a net 80.

In the second match, the aforementioned Mr. Simon from the IW’s was matched against the Int’ls super sub, Dennis Urabe. Dennis won 2 of the first 3 holes but gave them back as Steve won the next 4 holes in a row. Another win with a par on the ninth put Steve 3 up at the turn. With whatever the fireworks that occurred on 10 were, Dennis carded a 9 on it as Steve took par…and the rout was on. The match closed on 13 with carding a strong net 74 and Dennis slipping to a net 87. At this point, the Int’ls had a 3-1 lead in the match.

In the third match, “OKI” took on the IW’s John Geddes. Oki had been in the limelight of the league since his stunning win at Ocean City in a controversial “rules of golf” decision. Propelled by that victory, Oki steamrolled much of the league for the rest of the year, finishing the season at 2nd in most GMA points, tied for 3rd in Most Kills with 19.5 and 4th season low net. But John Geddes had a great year, too with a very high kill ratio in his matches. And John, who has a reputation of playing very quickly,  would prove to be too much for Oki. Needing a win to keep his team alive in the match, John played his usual solid game, wearing his opponents down with his steady, ready-golf way. If anyone could play golf without stopping, it would be him. With John in your foursome, you feel like you’re in a race…and he raced home Sunday with a net 72 to beat Oki, closing him out on 16. Oki’s net 74, however, ensured that the Int’ls will be near the top of the rankings, should they be able to win the overall match. With the score at 3-2, all that would come down to the results of the final match.

In the fourth match, Capt. Ben Ohtsu of the Int’ls took on Tom Redburn of IW. Ben clearly had shaken the effects of his wrist injury early in the season, which had ballooned his once microscopic handicap index. But tom had played well all season and looked to be a worthy opponent for the diminutive, but long-hitting Capt. Ben. The match was close and was still all square as they came to the 8th hole. With everything on the line, the tension was palpable. Ben played the tough 8th-9th holes at even par to win both holes and close the front at 2 up in the match. With Tom giving Ben a stroke on the back, that made for a difficult task for him. Tom got it to just one down at the dangerous 15th, but Ben hit his best drive of the day on 16, then canned about a 30 footer on the treacherous green for birdie that took the air out of Tom. The match closed on 17 after another par from Ben…and the Internationals had CLINCHED a spot in the winner’s bracket…no tiebreaker needed. Ben’s net 73 gave the Int’ls a scary set of scores…especially for the NUNI crowd, watching the scoreboard from the Clubhouse after they came in. It would all come down to how the final group out on the course did…but NUNI still had too big a lead to overcome…right?

 

 

W-L-T

Sat

Sun A

B

C

D

Total

W

Internationals

4-2

136

73

74

87

72

442

L

Iron Workers

2-4

142

81

72

74

80

449

Final Foursome coming in; NUNI vs. The Money Shot

As the final foursome made its way up the 18th hole, the sun had already set behind the rows of trees that line both sides of the fairway. All the players started migrating out of the bar in the clubhouse, whose picture window faced that fairway…onto the lawn overlooking the green across the narrow roadway and ditch on the back side of the green. The NUNI faithful were still holding onto the bravado…but it seemed a little less certain as word/rumor of what was going on in the matches reached the crowd. Two of the very best in the league were out on that tee box… Bobby Kennedy, who won the Red Baron award, symbolic of most Match Kills in the league for the year…and Steve Santo, who had about the highest points-per-event rating of anyone in recent memory this year. With the streaky Dan Penza and the solid Mark Donoghue as their opponents, how could the NUNI boys not be in good shape…winning just one match put them in the winners bracket…and even losing both would throw it to NUNI on the tiebreaker…so what’s to worry about?

"We've already won The Cup three times" one NUNI player said...."four makes us the Yankees" another one said.  Strange in that the Yankees lost again in the first round of playoffs this year, and were to see their arch-enemies be crowned Baseball Champions before the very day was over. Turned out to be prophetic for NUNI as well.

 

As they came off the 18th tee, Santo's tee shot put him in the woods right...the others came up the fairway. Dan Penza, playing against Santo left his approach on the far side of the mound front left of the green...a tricky, delicate chip. Santo hacked out the woods and then hit a MEMORABLE approach from about 130 yards. He SCREAMED a high shot OVER the green, OVER the gully behind it, OVER the hill leading up the road in front of the clubhouse....into the ground gathered to watch. All dodged it as it hit hard on the cobblestones, caromed high into the air onto the lawn in front of the picture windows, right next to the flower beds. A call was made to the pro shop and the pro came out to say the ball was in play....but the pro took advantage of the audience to tell the group that he was a little pissed at us because of all the un-fixed divots he saw on the course after coming around behind us.....that added to the tension as Santo lined us chip from the lawn...had to cross the road and the gully to a tight pin, on a small shelf that ran away from him. HORRIBLE shot to have to make with a big crowd and the Cup on the line.

 

Anyway, we found out that Kennedy had already been closed out by MS's Mark Donoghue....and Santo was 1-down to Penza coming to the 18th...and now on the front lawn in 3!!!  Santo's chip went into the grass gully behind the green, but Penza made a great chip from behind the mound....it was over. NUNI lost 3 out of 4 and the match went to tie-breaker. But Money Shot had a horrible score from Saturday's team play and couldn't win the aggregate, so NUNI advanced to the winner's bracket....but surprisingly, Kennedy and Santo posted 83 and 84 net scores....and, to everyone surprise, it was official:

 

 

 

W-L-T

Sat

Sun A

B

C

D

Total

W

NUNI

3-3

130

83

82

73

80

448

L

The Money Shot

3-3

144

85

76

80

77

462

 

 

THE INTERNATIONALS HAD WON THE CUP!!!!   

Final standings:

 

1. Internationals (4-2)     442

2. NUNI  (3-3)                448

3. Slicers (3.5-2.5)          455

4. AGB's (3-3)                458

________________________

 

5. Iron Workers (2-4)       449

6. Money Shot (3-3)         462

    Baron's Boys (3-3)       462

8. Mission Imp. (2.5-3.5) 463

When the final scores were posted…the Internationals actually looked shocked that they had won. Oki was holding court with his team at their table, beers freely flowing. All giving credit to their “Mentor” whose leadership and calming/encouraging presence brought them to pinnacle of the league. But then, something memorable happened. It was a classy thing to witness The NUNI team, each and every one of them… came over to shake hands, to hug…to congratulate the members of the Internationals team on their incredible achievement. No swagger, no cockiness…no bitterness at having lost with victory so close. Could this be the kinder, gentler NUNI? Or was it the knowledge that they had not just lost to the better team (that day)…but a higher power?.

Few times have you ever heard so often in a season…or on those two days at Sea Oaks, “I don’t mind if we don’t win…as long as NUNI doesn’t” In watching the genuine exchange of congratulations late that Sunday afternoon, a transformation took place. Not just a changing of the guard…but the image of a new NUNI came into being. And what else could possibly have caused that…except maybe…the impact of The Mentor? Whatever the cause…Odysseus would have been proud of them. Congratulations Ben…Oki…JR…Dennis: The Internationals: 2007 GMAChamps

 

September 29, 2007: 13th Annual Republican Open  @ Great Gorge

 

Links Dominate at Great Gorge…

Take Low Gross in both Flights!

Joe Sharples hits the Trifecta

 

STAFF WRITER - Gene Campbell Sr.

 

(McAfee, NJ) Well the weather man got it right this week, unlike last week when the rain that was not supposed to come until Tuesday showed up a few days early.  However it wasn’t the weather at CV that dominated the conversation on the practice green this week, but it was about Center Valley.  The discussion continued on the previous weeks scramble format, rules notifications, who knew what on which tee, and whether there was another gunman on the grassy knoll!  (Ok, drop that last reference, Kennedy was actually a Democrat.)     

 

The 13th Annual Republic Open was hosted at Great Gorge Country Club. Using carts that were slower than my Grandmother, but had new GPS systems, two flights of  Missioners were covering all 27 holes. 

 

The best story was Joe Sharples of the Winning Links playing in the Reagan Flight (Rail/Lake). His day started out pretty slow, a few missed putts, a three putt to finish 9, down in his match, it wasn’t looking so great for Joe. Grabbing a Hot Dog at the turn he  began his adventure. At first Joe felt no effects of the Hot Dog, a three putt double on #11 and was now down three in his match. Then on number 12 (#3 Lake) things started to happen for Joe with a Birdie (I suspect he had onions on the dog, and it took a while for them to kick in!). Then moving to his next Tee shot number 13 (#4 Lake) a tough 179 yard Par 4 with water long and left, Joe decides to slam dunk it for his first ever Ace!  The magic didn’t stop there, because at that moment, mysteriously, the Cart Girl shows up and Joe buys the group a celebratory beer. (the rest of us had to settle for a Yuengling on the patio)

 

After all the excitement, and beer, his teammate wonders if Joe will even be able to hit the ball on number 14 Tee, but Joe’s only thought at that time was, “I can’t make my first Ace and still lose my match?”  So with this in mind Joe stayed focused and made par the rest of the way in to win his match.  As it turned out not only did Joe win the match he won his first ever Low Gross title, and first ever Low Net title.  So with an Ace, a Low Gross, Low Net, and a Match win Joe didn’t have the Trifecta after all, it was a Quinella!

 

PS. I saw Joe appealing to Craig to go back on the course for a Mulligan on the Long Drive hole and the CTP hole; the only things he didn’t win (Don’t get greedy Joe!).

     

While all this excitement was going on another member of the Winning Links, John Seuberth, playing in the Limbaugh Flight (Quarry/Rail) was busy winning that divisions Low Net title. For John, who has captured five team Low Gross titles in his Mission career, this was his first individual win.  John did not record an Ace, but he did save a few bucks on Beer. He posted a solid round with the only real snag being a big number on his third hole (Quarry #3). After that John settled in, and kept grinding toward his goal of a top ten finish. (just looking for points for the team). He finished the rest of the round at a -2 Net, which he thought was pretty good, but was a little surprised that his 71 would grab top honors. John also had a match win and low net points to make this a real good Saturday  (I guess if someone is going to steal the headlines away its always nice that it was your team mate).

 

Congratulations to both Joe and John.

 

 

September 22, 2007: 18th Annual Fall Classic  @ Center Valley

 

Penza & Donoghue are “Money” at the CV Scramble…

The Chase is on for the Playoffs…

 

STAFF WRITER Bob Haines

 

(Center Valley, PA) - Things are heating up with only two weeks remaining in the GMA regular season.  At the top of the leader board, NUNI has a slight one point lead over rival Barons Boys, while four additional teams, (Slicers, Iron Workers, Irons & Woods, and Internationals), are fighting it out for the remaining two spots to guarantee themselves a double bye in the playoffs.  At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are five teams at the Bubble: Hogan’s Heroes, Winning Links, Boys Bizzaz, Money Shot, and Newark Bears.  They are battling for the final three spots in the Sweet Sixteen! Unfortunately, two teams will fall short, and will have to think about what would have been.

 

Our 18th Annual Fall Classic playing to a two-player scramble format at the Center Valley Club turned out to be a real barnburner.  The weather report called for clear skies with temperatures in the mid 80’s.  For those Missioners who teed off early, they would have to battle heavy down pours for approximately a half hour.  This should essentially give the later groups a decided advantage since skies would clear by mid-day leaving the course in a much better playing condition.

 

Well, stranger things could not have happened at our Scramble Tournament, Dan Penza and Mark Donoghue of Money Shot teed off in our first group and posted an extremely impressive 31-30-61 to claim the glorious team championship.  Money Shot snuck out a narrow one stroke victory over a split team consisting of two time Club Champion Bill “Warm Weather Willie” LaRiccia of El Grande and Terry “Easy Going” Goddard of the Winning Links who posted a 30-32-62.  Scores at this 6,500-yard difficult layout were extremely low, as a Net 66 score was needed to make the top ten.  There were a total of six teams that shot 66 on this day, and three of them did not record top ten finish points due to our tiebreaker format!

 

Money Shot picked a great time to get hot, as their team was positioned on the bubble in 17th place prior to this event!  Mark Donague, a 2nd year veteran in the Mission, has to win the most dedicated GMA player award.  Mark, who is working on his MBA at Babson College in Massachusetts and lives in Rhode Island, commutes to New Jersey on weekends to play in the Mission!  Mark will be moving to NYC to begin a new job in the near future.

 

Mark and playing partner, 9-year veteran Dan Penza, teamed up to shoot a bogey free round including six natural birdies during their championship run!  The Money Shot boys hit 17 fairways in regulation, staying out of trouble on this difficult back nine layout leading to their 11 under par net score.  Mark stated that his partner who refused to move his mark prior to his birdie attempt on the 8th hole cost the team an additional birdie as the ball hit the coin and deflected away from the hole to narrowly miss!  Money Shot still rebounded nicely following this mishap, as Mr. Penza dropped a 20’ par putt on the 344 yard, par 4, tenth hole and a 40’ bomb on the 553 yard, par 5, eleventh hole for birdie to make amends!  Money shot closed out their opponents Michael Gordon and his guest of the Masters on the 15th hole to win the match.  Team mate and captain of Money Shot, Jim Heyl, also won his match and finished in the top ten while playing on a split team to lead Money Shot to a big 6 ½ point day!

 

 

September 15 & 16, 2007: 22nd Annual Joe Post Club Championships  @ Vineyard

 

 

Kopec, Ambrosio Win “Foretold” Club Championship B & C Flight Titles…

Batman Spoils GM Comeback in 5-Player Sudden Death Showdown…

Welcome Home Bill Bailey Edges Too Tall for AA…

Snyder Holds Off Mr. T’s Charge @ Vineyard…

 

BY GMA STAFF WRITER Jack Callahan

 

(Renault Vineyards, Sept. 15-16, 2007) - During long road trips, you can’t help but notice all the vanity plates people have paid extra for. I never saw the merit of paying extra for license plates, but its clear many do. Amazing that people will pay extra to largely entertain the rest of us on long trips. Most are pretty boring…older generation likes to put their husband wife names…in short…on there: PJT SMT, Joe Mary, etc.  Younger and professional crowd likes their occupation or sports team references: ESQ2, ADRITER, GOMETS…and the famous Seinfeld ASSMAN. Every once in a while you see something that can bring a smile…or make you wonder. “ASKME” I saw on the way down…is it some guy named Askme…Harry Askme, or something?  Or is this guy some self-proclaimed font of answers to some obscure questions?  Why pay extra for “ASKME”?  Another one was “FIRFACE”. In passing the small pick up truck, I couldn’t help but look…and YES, he did have a beard.  You have to wonder if he dropped out of school early or really did have a face that looked like a tree? National spelling bee candidate he was not, most likely. Another one was “BAD AIR”. Pretty clear there, right. I was glad to see it wasn’t Dan Penza driving…that would be too bizarre.  Gas problem, maybe…breath issues. But why put that on your own car plate?  Spousal comment maybe?

 

Then I saw a plate that should have been very forgettable…one of those old folk’s specials: “JO TOM” Middle aged couple, hanging bar with shirts, pants hanging across the width of the back seat. But this nondescript plate and one other amusing plate I saw would turn out to be all-to-easily recalled by the time the Club Championships weekend was over. The other one: “USTINK”.

 

While most of the spotlight would fall on the Championship Flight----and especially so since it would develop into a dramatic 5-way playoff for this years Top Dog---the B and C flights, playing a “net” competition looked like runaways after round one of the 36-hole event. On Saturday night in the C flight, Joe Ambrosio of Beer Pressure had rocketed to a 3-stroke lead with a net 72 over the Ruff Writer’s Jaime Costanzo. No one else in the flight was within 9 strokes of Joe’s torrid pace, so barring sudden blindness, incapacitating flatulence or ingesting a drano tablet this author unwittingly was offering around on Saturday night (more about that faux pas at the close of the article), Joe looked like a runaway. When asked his secret, Joe said it was his lucky silk boxers with the Flamingo’s on them…and his new toe ring gave him great traction, now that the swelling had gone down. When asked how he assessed his competition the next day, which included the highly-volatile but always-optimistic Steve Indelicato…and the streaky Darryl Drenth of Mission Impossible, who had already had an A-game this month and wasn’t due again for awhile, Joe placidly replied “Dead Meat”. His remarks were as deadpan as a Ben Stein recital.

 

True to his word, the C flight competition was as good as over at the turn on Sunday, as Joe roared out to a net 33, taking a commanding 9-stroke lead on the field. Even without the competition, Joe matched his front nine with another net 33 on the back, including five holes at net 2 or 3. Final margin of victory: 11 strokes.  Could be a trip to Simon’s barber shop coming for Joe, but it will be worth it to have his name on the Stationery for a year under “C Flight Champion”. Congrats Joe!!

 

In the more competitive B flight, there was even more of a runaway after day one. Tommy Kopec of the clawless Bears, fresh and limber after completing his Lambada lessons, closed the day with a five-stroke lead over Big John Seuberth of Losing Links and seven strokes over the BAG’s unsinkable Greg Haff. Haff said he wasn’t in the lead only because of a 12 on a par 3. Not possible, but Greg is a colorful guy who knows a cheap cigar when he smokes one. On Sunday’s cool, clear morning, John peeled off a smooth net 34 on the front to close within 2 strokes of Kopec, but that’s as close as he would get. Tom finished with a workmanlike 37-37-74 net for a 154 total, giving him a four stroke victory and the B Flight Championship. “I’ve always said” he told me, “that the B Flight is the toughest competition in the Mission…and I’ve made mince meat out of them. It’s an honor to be the B Flight Champ”.  Spoken like the true charismatic delusionist that he is. Congrats, Tommy.

 

That’s when I remembered the prophetic license plate on the way down: “JO TOM” it said.  Joe Ambrosio. Tom Kopec.  The B and C flight champs. Bizarre. Then I remembered the other license plate that stuck with me: “USTINK”. After the way I played, I knew who that was aimed at: The one who saw it. Beware the vanity plates you pass: one may be YOUR horoscope as well.

 

BATMAN SPOILS DRAMATIC GM COMEBACK AND WINS CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP

 

With all the steady players in the Championship Flight playing without the aid of their puny handicaps, one bad hole in 36 could likely spell doom for any of them. And while the Vineyard course was not that tough a layout, fairways were soft, ruff was thick, greens were hard to read and there were seven holes with Out of Bounds lurking after any leaking tee shot. Water, fescue and wet, dense sand in traps added to the general ambience. Whoever won would have to earn it.

 

At the end of round one, many of the usual suspects, the crème de la crème were at the top of the leader board. Hogan’s Hero Sandwiches Mike Heller wound up with a two-stroke lead over New Knee’s Jerry “Batman” Streim and 3 over Andrew Stewart, also one the HH Sandwiches. Mike Gordon of the Waning Masters rounded out the elite foursome at four strokes back. With much conjecture over how many stokes could be made up on day two in this group, The Saturday night Calcutta was marked by lots of “chirping” as it’s euphemistically called. Most of that by Shoeless (but not sox-less) Jim Heyl of the Money Snots. That sort of provocation only seemed to fill Batman with a resolve to go out the next day and make him eat his slurred words.

 

Other talk centered around what had happened to Mission legend and all-time career gross title holder Glenn Morello, yet another HH Sandwich. Had GM’s new shaggy coif and more casual couture this year taken his game to a more casual level as well? All the leaders felt more comfortable with GM in the distant rear view mirror at a lofty 86…a seemingly impossible 8-stroke deficit in the elite flight. Had advancing age and a growing family finally taken its toll on yet another once-proud scratch game?  That’s the excuse I used 20 years ago…with a few minor modifications to the stats…alright, major mods.

 

The front nine on Sunday saw very little change, as three of the four leaders all shot 39. Only Batman’s 38 picked up a stroke on the leader, leaving him one behind with nine to play. In another foursome, Morello also shot 39 on the front, keeping him still 8 strokes behind on the back nine. All figured GM was toast…and were really just managing against each other. That would come back to haunt them later.

 

Streim took the lead on 10 with a birdie while Heller bogeyed…but the players were tied again after 13 when Jerry bogeyed. Batman’s troubles continued for another four holes he played at five over, but Heller couldn’t take advantage as he took an astounding 8 on the par 5 15th hole. But Gordon and Heller played steady during those holes, and as they went to the 17th tee, Stewart held a one stroke lead over the other three. But he, too, hairballed once in the lead on the short, tricky par 4, by taking a double bogey. Only Heller would make par as the players clenched for the final hole.

 

But little did this ganglion-stressed group know what was going on elsewhere. GM was smokin’ the back nine and was only two back of Heller at that point as he headed to the 18th tee in the group ahead of them. Glenn figured he needed to make Eagle on the 550-yard par 5 18th to have any chance. But despite superb shot making, he could “only” make bird, giving him a blistering one-under 35 on the back and two-over 74 for the round, finishing at 160. A Tiger-like comeback that would soon be lost when the headlines were written.

 

Streim, Stewart and Gordon came up the 18th fairway trying to wrestle the one stroke lead from Heller, but Mike was steady, leaving his third shot just in front of the green in three. The other players would eventually all make par, so all he had to do was to go up and down with an easy chip and putt to win the tournament. But there was too much adrenaline in his chip and it went several feet long. After a tense pre-shot routine and lineup, Mike missed the putt and tapped in. All four players wound up at 160 for the tournament, ALONG WITH GM, who was waiting at the green  to inform them. A five-way tie!!!

 

After the shock wore off and each player berated themselves for the missed opportunities they had along the way, there was a drawing for position and a procession to the first tee: The biggest playoff in GMA Club Championship history.

 

GM’s charge came to an abrupt end on the first playoff hole. His second shot found trouble and he could only make bogey….as would Stewart and Heller.  Gordon and Streim still faced long, sloping putts for par…and Mike sank his from about 25 feet. That put him on the brink of winning. Streim had about an 18-footer on a slope…but he canned it in the center. Signature fist pump from Batman…and the five-man playoff was suddenly reduced to two players going to number two.

 

The second hole was missed opportunity for both players. After Gordon put hit his customary shot in the fairway short, Streim found the trees on the right with his tee shot…and was even in some scrub bush. He had to hack out and the ball only would go a couple feet. His third shot he punched back into the fairway about 100 yards out from the green.  Jerry thought at this point he was TOAST. But Mike couldn’t accept the gift and pulled his approach left of the green, into the fescue near pin-high…on a side slope. Jerry hit his fourth shot onto the green about 25 feet from the pin. But Mike’s shot from the fescue came out hot and couldn’t hold the green, continuing to roll dangerously toward  the water hazard, where it luckily lodged in some high stuff just short. He hacked out of there nicely, but could only get to 30 feet from the pin, now also laying four. Both players two putted for doubles and moved on to the third hole.

 

Gordon made a “routine” par at the 144-yard par 3, while Jerry’s shot went long into the light rough beyond the hole. He hit a delicate lob wedge from there, but the ball ran downhill away from the pin to about 20 feet. So he had to sink the putt or it was over. And once again, he did, using his customary fist-pump.

 

On the par 5 fourth hole, as more and more Missioners’ were gathering to watch, it was Batman’s turn to win it all with a 20 foot putt for birdie…but the ball refused to fall. With his tap in, both pared the hole and they went to 170 par 3 5th hole that would decide it all. Gordon sealed his fate by pulling his tee shot left into the tough swale below the green to a tight-cut pin. Jerry hit a conservative shot to the front of the green, about 30 feet away, but with the big slope to negotiate. Gordo could only get the ball on his chip to about 30 feet. Jerry’s lag putt was exactly what he needed. He marked the ball about two feet to the downhill side. Gordon could only two-putt from his lie…so Jerry carefully tapped in his two-footer to claim a well-earned title as Club Champion. CONGRATS, JERRY…proving again, the old motto, “Drive for show, but putt for dough”.

 

Great match and dramatic finish. Congrats to Batman and the others who all played so well and so evenly. And a special recognition for the Palmer-like charge to GM on that back nine Sunday, making up an 8-stroke deficit in 9 holes against the best in the mission, straight-up. SALUTE, GM.

 

CLOSING NOTE OF APOLOGY:  On Saturday night, after a little too much “partying”, I myself, feeling no pain, found a vitamin-like container of tablets on the counter of the bar at the Vineyard, where 40 or 50 missioners were loudly gathered. Without thinking, I picked up the container and started offering the tablets around to anyone interested. I had no idea what the speckled, over-sized tablets were and told everyone that, but it was an incredibly dumb thing to do. I was thinking, jokingly, maybe someone had performance-enhancing drugs and weren’t sharing. Most politely declined to take any…but one person did, and actually ingested it….only to find out shortly that it was NOT EDIBLE. Thank God, self-induced vomitage left Stevie P. safe, but angry…and rightfully so. It was a dumb thing to do and I apologize to all in the bar area, especially Steve. I would never knowingly offer anything harmful to anyone…not even to NUNI.  As one of my own teammates was to say later, “I’ll let you buy me a drink, but don’t EVER offer me a mint again”.

 

Welcome Home Bill Bailey Edges Too Tall for AA…

Snyder Holds Off Mr. T’s Charge @ Vineyard…

 

STAFF WRITER Craig Lombardo

 

(Renault Winery, NJ) – WOW, what a difference from last year! The 2006 Joe Post Club Championships were held at Vineyard in late July last season, and the field got pounded by two consecutive days of humid 95 plus degree weather, that sent the misery index soaring. I can recall, my boy, Christopher Leon Garibian, trapped on the Saturday Afternoon Parkway Crawl, which took him over four hours from Morris County to the Winery. Last year’s woes, were the key factors in moving the Club Championships to mid-September in ’07, and the consequences were dramatic. Two back-to-back, gorgeous days after black clouds, and a very brief down pour on Saturday morning. Once that system rolled over the weekend became post card perfect. Sunday was absolutely beautiful with temps in the low 70’s, and the sky was dotted with rolling white clouds. The weather was ideal for the Final Round of the GMA’s 22nd Club Championships.

 

Welcome Home Bill Bailey

In the AA-Flight Championship, a mild-mannered, 57-years young, Facilities Project Engineer, George Bailey, a.k.a. Bill Bailey, of Saddam Seidel’s Mission Impossible, stormed off to an early lead in Round One posting a 38-42-80. Trailing him in round one by four strokes were Dennis “The Menace” Urabe, Mr. Donoghue, and Thomas Too Tall, who all posted 84’s.

 

In round one, Mr. Bailey would recall that, “Everything went well with luck included on the front nine.” On the 1st hole he couldn’t reach in two, but chipped it to within 10-feet and made the putt. On No. 2, his second shot landed in 15” high grass on the back-side of the fairway trap, 30 yards from the hole. He chopped at the ball with a sand wedge and it stopped 12” from the hole for a tap in for par. On the par-5, fourth hole, he hit 3 poor shots and was still 100 yards from the hole hitting his fourth shot to within 3 feet of the pin and sinking the putt for par. On the next par-3, he made a 24-foot down hill putt for birdie. For the rest of the round he stayed out of 2 & 3 stroke trouble and when he didn’t reach or missed the greens in regulation he chipped the ball close enough to have a shot at par.

 

On Sunday, Mr. Bailey was in defense mode, and played to protect his lead. This was his account of the final round on Sunday, “Having a 4-shot lead on the 1st tee, and a 5-shot lead on the 10th tee; I made sure I stayed out of 2 & 3 stroke trouble, and I did not play aggressive at all. If I had any doubt about the pending shot I would just try to lay up to safe spot for the next shot and hoped my chipping, and putting would bail me out like it did on Saturday. For the most part it did.  I chipped using my 19° Hybrid with pretty good success all weekend, and I started to miss some short putts on Sunday’s back nine, which made the results closer than they needed to be.”

 

When the dust had settled on Sunday, Bill Bailey, a four-time Low Gross Champion, would bring home the shrine, and another dust collector, for his happy family of five, which includes his wife of 24 years, Janet, and their three beloved dogs; Bacon and Alley, both Cocker Spaniels, and a 3lb. Yorkshire Terrier named Spike. Mr. Bailey would collect four points for Mission Impossible that would move them to seventh place, and provide them some more protection for a Saturday Bye, from Architect’s Club.

 

Stu Snyder takes A Flight

During the past winter, George W. Wallace, the hard-driving, and cantankerous Captain of the 2005 World Champion Rat Pack, was trying to arrange a deal to recruit Stu Snyder, a 22.5 game winner in 2005, to the Rat Pack Clan. However, this was to be a package deal, and because of GMA Trading Guidelines, this deal never came to pass. Months later, Stu’s former Dawgs mate Thomas “The Animal” Jegge was the catalyst for Mr. Snyder’s eventual departure as Captain of the Dawgs. Rumor has it that Mr. Jegge became injured while having intercourse. How he was injured, while doing the deed, or what part of his anatomy was injured is up for speculation, but what is known, is the injury did cost Mr. Jegge valuable playing time this year, which led to Stu Snyder’s transition to The Rat Pack.

 

There was much unrest with The Dawgs in the offseason. It seems friction was arising from Dennis the Menace, and the good ole boys, who founded The Dawgs, and now with Mr. Snyder’s leave, The Dawgs could be history. Former Dawg, Johnny “Heart Attack” Ruvolo, now with The Internationals, was very surprised upon hearing that Mr. Snyder was now on the Rat Pack. He was quoted as saying that Mr. Snyder was a turncoat of sorts, and that “the Captain had abandoned the ship.” There is bad blood between The Dawgs and The Internationals.